Monday, September 23, 2019

Favourite moments in sport #4

The title is a misnomer, I know.

Today's entry doesn't chronicle the continued best moments in sports in a literal sense, as it only comes bearing a single entry to its name. However, that single entry is one of the greatest in my lifetime, threatening to topple Sid or Joe for the top slot of all.

Joe gamely fends off his position with a baseball bat, but recency bias helps to push this entry higher and higher. Surely by now, you know what I'm talking about, right?

If not, allow me to elucidate the matter...


#9: The Toronto fucking Raptors are NBA fucking Champions
Oh for fuck's sake. It finally happened.

I have made many efforts to preserve this championship in my written history, but I may never get over this rare, special feeling that resonates within me.

As I mentioned in the last entry more than six years ago, most of my "favourite moments" were attained with the power of hindsight. The Jays' championships. Vince's dunk contest. Sid's golden goal. All of them, I had to enjoy via replay, although at least the golden goal was something I was able to appreciate at the time.

But now, the first team I ever considered myself a fan of was crowned champion, and I got to see the whole thing. Yes, I became a Raptors fan in the mid-90s because Jurassic Park had recently made their chosen mascot my favourite dinosaur. Yes, I didn't really pay them any serious mind until shortly after the Chris Bosh era had ended.

But since then, I've been stuck to them like glue.

I came onboard as a Tennessee Titans fan right as their peak was ending, and a few seasons later, their entire core was dismantled. With the Raptors, however, I came during one of their many lulls. Jamaal Magloire was my favourite player, just because he was Canadian. Rudy Gay was their best player, just because he got the ball most of the time. We dreamt of the playoffs, just because it was as far as we could ever hope to go.

Then, some stuff happened. DeMar DeRozan became an All-Star, Masai Ujiri somehow shed the biggest malcontents on the roster while still getting superior value back in return, and Kyle Lowry Kyle fucking Lowry'd.

The Raptors may never again sniff a title, for as much as I know. It took years of tinkering with a winning formula, staving off a rebuild that most would have considered necessary, and then leaping on an impossibly fortuitous — albeit potentially fatal — opportunity in the shape of Kawhi Leonard.

Kawhi's tenure in Toronto will forever be shrouded in mystery. Reportedly, he had no intention of playing in Toronto, yet he just came in and did his thing without incident. The Raptors managed his workload admirably, applying him as a significant yet measured element of their success. Partly, because the NBA is a top-heavy league and they knew he wasn't required in the doldrums of the regular season. But partly, because he had something that his predecessors lacked: a killer instinct in the playoffs, where we would see the full extent of his might.

Look, I don't understand the dude. His departure for the Clippers at the height of the Raptors' dominance could have potentially cost us more titles down the track. But it's in line with his perceived desires to move to California, and ultimately, isn't his the most impeccable service we could have asked for?

Say the rumours were true, and Kawhi never wanted to play in Toronto. For him to come in, blow the doors off the NBA, and lead us to a championship we never could have ever hoped for, before tipping his hat and moving onto his intended destination, is everything and more we asked of him.

Basically, Kawhi Leonard gave us a one-night stand. But it was the best fucking one-night stand ever, and he impregnated us with a Larry O'Brien trophy. I don't care how obtuse that analogy is, I'm sticking with it.

Of course, he didn't do it alone. Pascal Siakam became a legitimate superstar before our eyes. Fred Van Vleet made an inspiring journey from undrafted afterthought to a crucial part of a championship rotation. Serge Ibaka's seven years of suffering after his Thunder failed to capture the crown finally came to an end. Marc Gasol became the physical embodiment of the Toronto faithful, as a big, goofy manchild giddily celebrating his long-awaited victory, grinning from ear to ear.

Sure, the moments that brought us here were more memorable than the ones that sealed the deal. Whether it was Kawhi's pinball-like game winner against the Sixers, or the team dragging themselves out of an 0-2 hole to Giannis' Bucks, we were frequently down and out in the playoffs.

Once the Finals came and went, the narrative turned to fairly shonky and mediocre, with the excellent basketball played by the Raptors and the Warriors offset by countless narratives triggered by a myriad of Golden State injuries.

But who cares, dude?

We're the latest version of the '04 Pistons or the '11 Mavericks. We weren't supposed to beat the dynastic opponents we were pitted against, but somehow, we had just enough stuff to topple Steph Curry, just as Kobe and LeBron had been toppled before.

We have our title. It is very much our title, and it has been the highlight of an otherwise dismal year for me. It stands like a beacon in the stormy night, steadfast and true, holding fast against all other turmoil that swirls around it. Thank you, Kawhi Leonard. Thank you, Nick Nurse. And thank you most of all, Kyle Lowry, for you have cemented your status as the greatest Toronto Raptor of all time.

Your heart may belong to North Philly, but you're a Toronto guy, Kyle. Now and forever.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

My 10 Favourite Male Athletes of All Time

Yep, it's one of those lists again. After years of inactivity, I reemerge from the ether, fuelled by recent sporting success and at least half a bottle of vodka. It's always a risky gambit, trying to construct a list of such magnitude, because sport is ever shifting and changing. Some current athletes who presently hold my adoration could fall out of favour in time, after all.

But I'm happy with the list, as presently constituted, for now. It may look very different in a few years, but if I go into it with that mindset, I'll never get it done. Perhaps I'll edit it post-script as it ebbs and flows. Perhaps not.

But enough preamble. Here they are, boys and ghouls. My top 10 favourite male athletes of all time.

#10. Jarome Iginla, NHL
1996-2017
Calgary Flames, Pittsburgh Penguins, Boston Bruins, Colorado Avalanche, Los Angeles Kings

It's quite strange how a man who never played for my particular NHL squad would somehow still claim honours as my favourite hockey player of all time. I could reel off any number of Canucks who I have admired over the years, but if you asked me to just choose one player, from any era, Iggy would be my guy.

The major factor, of course, is that when I started really paying attention to the NHL, it was in 2004, when the Calgary Flames blazed an unlikely trail to the Stanley Cup Finals. As is so often the case when a Canadian team does well, suddenly all rivalries were null and void. The entire nation was behind Calgary, as we longed for the title to finally return north of the border, where it belongs.

Alas, it wasn't to be. But the steely-nerved captain had left an indelible mark on me, all the same.

The NHL would enter a tumultuous period immediately after this. The Flames' chance at a comeback was squandered by the disastrous 2004-2005 lock-out, which was poorly timed for me as it was during one of my few visits back to Canada. Any machinations I had of following hockey while I was in the homeland were squandered, replaced instead by this catchy Molson commercial and little else.

Fortunately, I would get to see Iginla ascend to the echelons of hockey immortality in one very crucial play during the 2010 Winter Olympics. His tumbling feed to Sidney Crosby in overtime against the USA would be enough to earn his team the gold medal, and it's easily in my top 3 sporting moments of all time.

There's a reason why the picture of Iggy is from that Olympic run, man. Gotta savour those moments.

#9. Travis Lulay, CFL
2009-2018
BC Lions

The BC Lions have had many greats come and go over the years, but none in the past decade have been quite as good, for as long, as one Travis Lulay.

I'm sure that when he arrived in BC following years of brutal cuts from the NFL, he figured he was just biding his time, hoping to show scouts back home that he had what it took to make it in the big league, ala Doug Flutie, Jeff Garcia and Warren Moon.

As it so happened, he stuck around, and in doing so, was instrumental in building one of the most unlikely championship teams in CFL history. When he won the 99th Grey Cup, he did so in rare fashion - on home turf, in Vancouver. Lulay was named MVP, capping off the victory with two crucial second half TDs in a season when he also claimed the CFL's most outstanding player award.

He quietly eked out one of the great CFL careers over his ten years in the league, carrying various iterations of his team across the finish line. Some of those teams were very good, some of them quite disastrous, but Lulay was a constant source of hope. When he was under centre, there was cause for optimism. The dude just flat out balled.

Also, out of all of the jerseys I own, his gunmetal black alternate is undoubtedly the slickest. Whoever came up with that design deserves a raise, it's the best damned jersey in football.

#8. Chris Bosh, NBA
2003-2017
Toronto Raptors, Miami Heat

Chris Bosh's career is a weird rollercoaster of emotions. This bittersweet mixture of success in the face of certain failure, marred by setbacks time and time again. But throughout it, he kept his head held high. He kept fighting, kept working, and put together a lifetime of work that most people would be envious of.

Obviously, he rose to my attention as a member of the Toronto Raptors, and it's here that he first showed those aforementioned traits; he was so talented, like a man among boys, but he was held back by a mediocre roster. For every Jose Calderon, DeMar DeRozan or Morris Peterson, it seemed like there were a hundred Andrea Bargnanis, Rafael Araujos and Hedo Turkoglus.

His defection to the Miami Heat felt right, somehow, even to the beleaguered Raptors faithful. It was like we were all shooing him away, saying "get out, Chris! While you still can!"

And so he did, forming one of the most celebrated superteams of the modern era. It feels weird to say that Miami's two championships were a disappointment, but that's just how good they were on paper. With LeBron James and Dwyane Wade commanding most of the attention, Bosh changed his game wholesale to become the ultimate facilitator, and good lord, he did it well.

Though Ray Allen rightfully gets full credit for hitting the game-tying, series saving three pointer in the dying seconds of game 6 in the NBA Finals, without Bosh's unbelievable rebound over Manu Ginobili, the Heat walk away heartbroken.

Also, he's just a cool dude, and that's important to me. He's someone I would love to hang out with; introspective, goofy and humble. Thank god for Chris Bosh.

#7. Jose Bautista, MLB
2004-2018
Baltimore Orioles, Tampa Bay Devil Rays, Kansas City Royals, Pittsburgh Pirates, Toronto Blue Jays, Atlanta Braves, New York Mets, Philadelphia Phillies

Look at that list of teams. For years, it looked as if Jose Bautista would be nothing more than a journeyman in MLB, a power hitter who could crack a few dingers to help sway the game in your favour. When he arrived in Toronto, he was coming off a Triple A stint earlier in the month.

He wasn't supposed to be anyone significant, much less the legend he would become.

To have been a Toronto Blue Jays fan over the last few decades has been to know disappointment. After winning back to back titles in 1992 and 1993, they would fall off a cliff from which it felt they would never return, wasting some spectacularly talented careers with their ineptitude.

But in Bautista, we had something else. He would become, as Eminem so eloquently said, "like a flame in the night, like a ghost in the dark, there's a ray, there's a light, there's a hope, there's a spark".

The Jays' brutally slow rise would be ushered in by Bautista's brilliance, putting together some dominant seasons in the early 2010's and joining the 50 homer club. Without his steady leadership, maybe the Jays never became as good as they later were.

The 2015 Toronto Blue Jays were the best team in baseball, and it breaks my heart that they didn't win the pennant. But we'll always have the bat flip, a moment that just screams pure, unrivalled swagger.

#6. Marcus Mariota
2015-present
Tennessee Titans

Of all of the athletes on this list, Marcus Mariota is by far the most unproven. He has had a promising yet stuttering start to his NFL career, and presently sits at a crossroads. Maybe when we look back, we'll see an eventual backup whose promise was robbed by injuries. But hopefully, we'll instead be talking about a player who was a leader of men, who defied the odds to carry his team to glory.

First, we look at his exploits on the field, where he has shown enticing potential as an athletic passing dynamo, capable of escaping pressure before delivering man-sized stiff arms. In the post-Steve McNair era, we have been snakebitten by this archetype multiple times, thanks to dalliances with Vince Young and Jake Locker.

But Mariota feels different. Whereas both of those players were unable to match their mental game to their physical capabilities, Mariota is constantly striving to improve himself. He has had some truly wonderful moments, and his teammates clearly admire him.

Part of the reason for that is because of the human being he is, and that's a large influence on his placing in these rankings. Whether or not Mariota succeeds in the NFL, he has shown that he is a wonderful human being. He's soft spoken, respectful and inspirational; just one of those people that you want to see succeed.

Sometimes as a Tennessee Titans fan, I've had to support players who I really couldn't get behind as people (hello, Chris Johnson). But not this guy. Mariota is a consummate professional, and his demeanour is aspirational.

#5. Steve Nash, NBA
1996-2015
Phoenix Suns, Dallas Mavericks, Los Angeles Lakers

In my opinion, when you are talking about names synonymous with Canadian basketball, there are two that stand head and shoulders above the rest.

The first is Vince Carter, the man who made the sport cool in Toronto, and by extension, Canada as a whole. Without him, maybe the Raptors go the way of the Vancouver Grizzlies.

The other is Steve Nash, and there's no prizes for guessing why he stakes his claim.

Nash was the quintessential point guard, with nearly every possession running through him. Would he use his ball handling skills to secure an easy layup? Or would he drop improbable dimes through the legs of defenders to a streaking teammate? He could do it all, and did so with a dignity and strength that demanded admiration.

I knew that I wanted a picture of Nash that showed him battling through injury, but what I didn't realise was how many awesome images I would have to choose between, because the dude went through the wars. A bloody nose here, a busted lip there... or an eyebrow so swollen that he resembled Sloth from The Goonies.

The dude was a warrior, and his professionalism and determination earned him two MVP trophies. Speaking of Warriors, Nash would finally receive the championship rings that eluded him throughout his playing career, nabbing a pair as a player development consultant with Golden State.

#4. Eddie George, NFL
1996-2004
Houston Oilers/Tennessee Oilers/Tennessee Titans, Dallas Cowboys

I'll elaborate a little bit more on this in a subsequent entry, but something that's important to note is that I wasn't really a big sports fan as a kid. You may have noted this from the comparatively modern feel consistent throughout these rankings and its distinct lack of classic players.

Eddie George is one of the earliest players I had an affinity for, which is unsurprising since the Tennessee Titans were the first team I started actively following in the early 2000s. To wit, I was a Raptors and Jays fan growing up in name only, but the Titans were the first team I lived and died by.

If we were to extrapolate this list to a top 20 or top 50, it would be littered with players on those teams. As they entered the new millennium, the Titans were a fearsome, smashmouth gang of bruisers that nobody wanted to play against. At the heart of his unit, Eddie George.

Speedy halfbacks are exciting and trendy, but I will always prefer a guy who just straight up plowed over anyone foolish enough to get in his way. His power running game was the engine that brought the Titans all the way to the Super Bowl.

He was fiery and inspirational, and when he wasn't leading the team with his actions, he was revving them up with his pregame speeches. This was a player you wanted to go to war with, someone you wanted to fight alongside. His charisma has even led him to a leading role on Broadway.

A man who wilfully trucks Ray Lewis, one of the best tacklers of all time, deserves recognition.

#3: Joe Carter, MLB
1983-1998
Chicago Cubs, Cleveland Indians, San Diego Padres, Toronto Blue Jays, Baltimore Orioles, San Francisco Giants

Taking you on a rewind now, with a man who throws my previous statement asunder, somewhat.

Joe Carter stands on a pedestal in Toronto Blue Jays lore for obvious reasons, and for as long as I live, he will always hold a special place in my heart.

As aforementioned, when I was a kid, I liked the Jays, but for trivial reasons. My dad had a Blue Jays sweater that he liked to wear, and I had a t-shirt that had the roster represented as anthropomorphic birds. The reason why they were so celebrated in my household, of course, was because when we had arrived in Canada, they were at an unheralded peak of success.

Joe was a pure slugger with a winning smile and a heart of gold, and he came and went before I was ever paying attention. However, what he did, even watching it all of these years later, fills your belly with fire.

Watching his elation as he nabbed Otis Nixon's bunt attempt to seal the win in Atlanta and bring Toronto their first World Series championship is a special moment. For most franchises, it would be the pinnacle.

But of course, it's overshadowed by the fact that, one season later, Joe delivered what was, in my completely biased opinion, the best moment in baseball history.

Game 6, in Toronto. Mitch Williams on the mound. Carter on the 2-2, deep to left field, gone. Joe Carter won the World Series on home turf with a walkoff home run. Of all the moments etched into my brain on the sporting front, this homer is still #1. It doesn't even matter that I wasn't watching as a kid, it's just that special.

#2: Steve McNair, NFL
1995-2007
Houston Oilers/Tennessee Oilers/Tennessee Titans, Baltimore Ravens

Having Steve McNair at #2 feels wrong. It feels like a misprint of some sort, something to be rectified later. This is because, you see, McNair was the man who made me love sports, back in 2002.

I can't remember why I decided I wanted to start watching football with my dad, but in the early days when I was trying to find a team to follow, I needed someone to gravitate towards. I liked the Raiders and the Bears, but something was missing...

That something was Steve McNair.

He is the most beloved figure in Tennessee Titans history, and with good reason. He was absolutely unstoppable when he was on a roll, shedding tacklers and delivering long bombs when everything seemed lost.

'Quit' was not in the McNair dictionary, and it showed in the way he would return to the field, even after taking an absolute beating. His list of injuries is almost as long as his list of accomplishments, but he just kept coming back.

He was instrumental in bringing the Titans to their first and only Super Bowl appearance, and though he ended on the wrong side of one of the most exciting finishes in championship history, his exploits in that game remain the stuff of legend.

And to think, that wasn't even McNair at his best; that was yet to come as he began to find himself as a passer, claiming co-MVP honours in 2003-04 alongside his old rival, Peyton Manning.

There's a reason why my username is Tackhead9, after all. And it's all thanks to this quiet, stoic country boy from Mississippi. We miss you, Steve.

#1: Kyle Lowry, NBA
2006-present
Memphis Grizzlies, Houston Rockets, Toronto Raptors

Recency bias? Maybe. But I know for sure that when I'm an old man, sitting in my rocking chair and staring into my viewing orb (which sounds like a feasible futuristic thing), I will still remember how this chubby, surly kid from Philadelphia grew into a leader before my very eyes.

Kyle Lowry was something of a malcontent when he began his NBA career. He was scrappy and impetuous, which made him a force to be reckoned with both on the court and off. He butted heads with coaches along the way, and came to the Toronto Raptors as a consolation prize when they failed to woo Steve Nash in 2012.

I recall my deflation when they fell short on their bid to bring Nash home. In what seemed to be a toss up between Toronto and New York, I went away for a few days with no reception. When I finally got my phone back in service, I saw the news: Steve Nash to the Lakers.

Lowry was the backup plan, and in most eyes, just a way to bridge the gap as they searched for someone to finally supplant incumbent starter, Jose Calderon. But something weird happened: Lowry outperformed expectations.

He showed a knack for scoring, for racking up assists, for playing elite defence and drawing painful but crucial charges against opponents who had about a foot and a half on him. He quickly grew to become my favourite NBA player with his gumption, and alongside DeMar DeRozan, he ushered the hapless Raptors into a new era of unprecedented success.

Of course, nobody ever expected it to progress beyond that.

The Raptors were a lock for the postseason, and could probably steal a series before running into a brick wall in the form of LeBron's Cleveland Cavaliers. It would take the testicular fortitude of Masai Ujiri and the mercurial talent of Kawhi Leonard to unlock Lowry's true potential.

Now, Kyle Lowry is an NBA Champion. The Toronto freakin' Raptors are NBA Champions.

I have loved this franchise since they first began, even though it was initially just because raptors were my favourite dinosaur. Their inglorious history seemed insurmountable, and they would always be loveable losers.

But Lowry demanded more. He demanded more of himself, and of his teammates. Where others had bolted, he and DeRozan committed, year after year, to improving. To tinkering. And though alas, DeMar wouldn't be able to see that effort bear fruit, Lowry's journey came full circle.

He was now an NBA stalwart, a bonafide all-star and one of the greatest basketball players in the world. He saw the jokes. He heard the naysayers. He simply did not care.

I have assigned many adjectives to Lowry over the years to describe just how special he is as an athlete and as a human being. Now, at long last, I can designate him as the only one that really matters: he is a winner.

Kyle Lowry Over Everything.


Monday, March 14, 2016

Life is kind, sometimes

By now, if you've been reading my blog for long enough, you're well aware of the fact that my favourite athlete is Steve McNair. You may also be aware of the sad truth of his death; slain by his mistress. I always thought it was an unusual twist of fate, that the man I idolised died so ingloriously. I've moved long past the days of judging or analysing his actions leading up to this, I still love the guy and think he was one of the fiercest competitors to ever hit the gridiron, but regardless, it sucks.

I would be remiss however, not to acknowledge that my second favourite player of all time is leading a much different lifestyle, and he is doing fantastically. It makes me feel happy to know that Eddie George is living it up, man.

Dabbling as an analyst for a while (of particular note, doing commentary for Titans preseason games), Eddie has been plying his trade as an actor for some time now, starting off with local Nashville Shakespeare productions, and he's really hit the big time now.

Eddie George has debuted as Billy Flynn on Broadway.

That is just all kinds of fantastic. He's there in the bright lights of New York, dancing up a storm as a lead role in a huge musical. Could I have ever predicted this back during his playing days? Not necessarily, though considering his charisma over the years, it wouldn't have necessarily surprised me. Good on you, Eddie George, good on you.

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Love Thy Neighbour

Alright, let's shake things up a little bit - shall we? We can observe my favourite athletes of all time (see: McNair), my favourite current athletes (see: Lowry) and even my favourite pro wrestlers (see: Storm), and not a single surprise will pop up at any point. Maybe, then, we should cast a broader net, and go beyond the boundaries of teams that I support. Let us look, then, at players who play for other teams - who among them do I support?

So here's my favourite players who currently play for other teams! ...Somehow, I think it won't be that surprising again.

NFL: Alterraun Verner (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
It may seem curious that a man who ranked lower on my top Titans list than Cortland Finnegan somehow managed to leapfrog him on my overall preference, but Finny did more for Tennessee over a longer span of time, whereas Verner is just one of the coolest dudes in football. Really awesome guy, has responded to me on Twitter multiple times, is well educated and well read, and always insightful and committed. He's one of those guys you don't have to worry about when he retires; he'll find a lucrative career in whatever he pursues after football.

Until then, Verner remains a clinical, exciting defender. He's dropped off the radar since leaving for Tampa, struggling initially and suffering the indignity of wearing the worst jersey in all of football, but I'm confident that he'll regain his footing, whether with the Bucs or somewhere else.

NHL: Jarome Iginla (Colorado Avalanche)
We all know that, as a native of Vancouver Island, I was always destined to be a Canucks fan. When there's a team in town, you're rarely afforded the luxury of choice: you naturally back the home squad, a galvanising force that unites the surrounding area. Were I to have chosen a team, however, there's a strong chance I might have been a Calgary Flames guy. Which sounds like sacrilege, I know, but when I first started actively watching hockey in 2004, the Flames were Canada's most interesting teams, led admirably by Jarome Iginla.

I dig Iggy's hard nosed style, man. He's the kind of guy who rallies the troops, leads the charge and kicks ass. When he plays for the Olympic side, it's nice to finally cheer the guy while he's actually playing for my time. In fact, Iggy's 2010 garb is the only hockey jersey I own. Fun fact!

NBA: Andrew Wiggins (Minnesota Timberwolves)
It'll be funny when people read this entry years down the track, and Wiggins has since become the greatest Toronto Raptor of all time, leading the team to a threepeat and shattering almost every single-season record. *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Until such time, Wiggins plies his trade in Minnesota, where it's almost like an extension of his time at Kansas. He's not playing for us, indeed sometimes he's pitted against us, but we all know he's just biding his time until he comes home. As one of the people who has been following his young career all the way back to high school, I've become really good at remaining patient for Wiggins to finally become a Raptor. In the meantime, he has a tall task ahead of him, as a crucial cog in the Canadian team trying desperately to salvage their Olympic hopes. Go get 'em, Wiggy.

MLB: Munenori Kawasaki (Chicago Cubs)
This one feels wrong. It feels painful. It feels like an alternate universe; a cruel existence where the sky has collapsed, monsters roam the plains and Kawasaki-sama does not play for the Toronto Blue Jays.

It's always sad when your team shows championship potential and falls short, but last year's Jays leave me particularly sour, considering the amount of players they wielded who I really, really like. Kawasaki and Price are now gone. Bautista and Encarnacion are floating through the contract ether. Thank goodness for Stroman, otherwise I would be throwing a fit. Though I will enjoy watching Mune's antics regardless, I would have loved incredibly for him to have been an eternal part of Blue Jays history.

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Tony's top 20 male wrestlers

It seems we're going through one of those phases where my passion for wrestling is reignited; no sooner did I finally push out the sequel to HiH (something I had been working on for months), I've gone back into my old obsession. And what better way to celebrate my decades of fandom than by counting down... yes, you heard it here... my top 20 male wrestlers of all time?!

As dormant as my wrestling obsession is, it's still managed to be an ever-shifting and evolving creature, so this list could be shaken up time and time again as I broaden my horizons. For now, at least, it's pretty solid. Let me take you on a journey through the squared circle...!

#20: Goldust
Real name: Dustin Virgil Riley Runnels III
Debut: 1988
From: Hollywood, California
Height: 6'6" Weight: 232 lbs.
By and large, I'm not a fan of gimmicks. When done wrong, they can completely belittle the talents of competent wrestlers, overtaking the actual athlete to become their main, damning aspect (see: Terry Taylor as the Red Rooster). Occasionally, a gimmick works, and becomes a crucial component that can separate your typical wrestler from the crowd (see: Mark Calloway as the Undertaker).

Where do I stand, then, on Goldust? On the one hand, I actually adore the character - his promos have been some of the best in the business over the years, his look is unique, and his persona and in-ring antics are hilarious. On the other hand, people tend to forget that Dustin Runnels is actually a really freakin' good wrestler: his pace and in-ring psychology are solid, and some may assume that his flamboyant character have relegated him to the role of 'supporting cast'. You'll never have Goldust as your heavyweight champion, but based on his merit alone, Runnels would suit the role nicely.



#19: Rey Mysterio
Real name: Óscar Gutiérrez
Debut: 1989
From: San Diego, California
Height: 5'6" Weight: 175 lbs.
Though most Americans are aware of the legend of lucha libre, without Rey Mysterio, Jr., it may not have shot into the forefront of the social conscience the way it has. Observe: mention the names El Santo or Mil Máscaras, most casual fans will look at you with bemusement. Just say Rey Mysterio and - ¡Dios mío! - vivid images of the human propellor launch to mind.

Rey Rey has gone through endless nonsense throughout his career: unmasked in WCW (the Mexican equivalent to a spiritual depantsing), Mysterio could have gone down the route of endless little guys before him: perpetual cruiserweight who never hits the big time. Thankfully, WWE gave him the push he deserved, capturing three world championships. His flea like stature makes him a spectacle to watch, and all these years later, despite injuries slowing him down, he's still better value than wrestlers half his age.




#18: Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
Real name: Richard Henry Blood Sr.
Debut: 1976
From: Honolulu, Hawaii
Height: 5'10" Weight: 235 lbs.

It's no secret that wrestling has long been a club for the big boys; behemoths who tower over the competition and move with the agility of a sack of rye. Though things have definitely changed for the better in recent years, when a short, intense guy of partial Japanese descent like Steamboat hit the scene in the late 70s, he had all of the odds stacked against him. However, Ricky Steamboat was a no-nonsense competitor: intense, precise and explosive. He captured hearts and imaginations as the landscape of wrestling was beginning to shift, and we were all the beneficiaries of his abilities.

For one thing, Steamboat is one of those guys who you just really believed could legitimately beat the everlasting shit out of you. It certainly helped that he was portrayed as a Bruce Lee-type figure. And yes, that's a gross generalisation of Asian martial arts, but it certainly worked. He had that definite feel to him of a lethal weapon - this was obviously a man you didn't want to mess with.



#17: Edge
Real name: Adam Joseph Copeland
Debut: 1992
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Height: 6'5" Weight: 241 lbs.

Depending on when you were watching wrestling, you might remember a very different edition of Edge, each with their own merits, each with their own achievements. The later version, fuelled by a lot of legitimate heat, rose to be one of the best heels in the game - an incredible performer capable of generating vitriol that had been absent in years. It was at this time he saw the height of his success, claiming multiple heavyweight championships and looked to as the wrestler who revitalised the position of the company's top bad guy.

The version I knew and loved, however, was that of a man who did whatever had to be done to compel the fans. Unfortunately for him, that frequently involved him doing things that would make normal men cringe. Edge took and delivered bumps that were punishing and brutal, and kept coming back for more. Take a brief sojourn through either of the TLC classics, if you will, to see the fullest extent of this punishment. These are the things of legend.



#16: Shelton Benjamin
Real name: Shelton James Benjamin
Debut: 2000
From: Orangeburg, South Carolina
Height: 6'2" Weight: 248 lbs.
So let's talk about missed opportunities here. When Kurt Angle came along, you had a legitimate amateur wrestler with a great look and boundless charisma, whose transition to the pro game was seamless. He would go on to become a world champion with the WWE six times. Shelton Benjamin, cut largely in the same mould, got a few good angles (no pun intended), but never got the nod to become the main event.

And it's a damn shame, because in Benjamin you have a pure specimen who is smooth, exciting and clinical. Of course, WWE achievements aren't necessarily a true barometer of success (DDP, anyone?) but considering it's where I've spent most of my viewing past, it's of significance in my rankings. If I were assembling a company tomorrow (and who knows? Maybe I will! I have some spare time), I would definitely book Benjamin as my #1 guy.



#15: Dean Malenko
Real name: Dean Simon
Debut: 1979
From: Tampa, Florida
Height: 5'10" Weight: 212 lbs.

We shift, quite radically, from a larger than life character to a man who was all about business. Every single technique that Malenko implemented was picture perfect. You want the best suplex? Watch Malenko. You want the best single leg crab? Watch Malenko. You want to learn how to nail any manoeuvre, simple or complex, you need look no further than this man.

In a business where promos can make or break the man, he was straight to the point. Not flashy. Sometimes, he even looked uncomfortable. But as soon as he got between those ropes, you knew you were in for a treat. Should I ever seek a trainer for my illustrious wrestling career (I never could settle on a finisher, I'll have you know), Malenko is one of the top three guys I would seek out, no question at all.



#14: Booker T
Real name: Booker Huffman Jr.
Debut: 1989
From: Houston, Texas
Height: 6'3" Weight: 256 lbs.

Oh hell yes. I've been looking forward to talking about Booker T, an electrifying in-ring performer who delivered everything so solidly, you practically felt the sting. However, I've been most looking forward to this because he is one of my favourite entertainers in wrestling history. His promos were loud, wild and wacky, and his colourful stint tagging with Goldust is easily among my top 10 tag teams (another list for another article, methinks).

A five time (Five time! Five time! Five time! Five time!) WCW champion, Booker took a backseat for years in the WWE, for reasons I still haven't quite figured out. He didn't have the heavyweight strap around his waist until the curious King Booker angle, a royalty gimmick that I wasn't particularly into. Why not just give him the gold without the schtick? It certainly worked everywhere else! Ahh, who knows... Point is, Booker gave you a great show, whether it was in the ring, or on the mic. It's no wonder he transitioned so smoothly to commentating.



#13: Christian
Real name: William Jason Reso
Debut: 1995
From: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Height: 6'1" Weight: 212 lbs.

Frequently in tag teams, there's a tier system in place. There's the guy, and then there's the guy. Marty Jannetty and Shawn Michaels. Jim Neidhart and Bret Hart. ...Christian and Edge? Some may argue such, and though Christian's real life best friend Edge did hit incredible heights, I was always more of a Christian guy. Edge was the looker, Christian gave you the grittiness and the... oh, forgive me for this... the undeniable edge.

A necessary heel in my eyes, Christian bounced through many hilarious personas following the team's demise; and whether you prefer his early, sparkle-laden antics, second-in-command of the Un-Americans, his tenure as the CLB, or the hilarity of Captain Charisma and his 'Peeps', he offered you endless value. It goes without saying that he was dynamite between the ropes to boot, but damn man, Christian easily ranks in my top ten on the mic. Even if you hadn't realised it before, sit there and think about it... I'm right, aren't I?



#12: Cactus Jack
Real name: Michael Francis Foley
Debut: 1983
From: Truth or Consequences, New Mexico
Height: 6'2" Weight: 287 lbs.

Join me, if you'd like, in a game known as 'Pick Your Mick'. Effectively, Mick Foley donned three major personas during his career and, unlike most wrestlers who would prefer for some of their alter egos to be forgotten (I'm looking at you, Isaac Yankem, DDS!!), Foley dedicated to each wholly and successfully, to the point where they are almost considered different wrestlers each and of their own. He saw the height of his success as Mankind, the leather-masked freak who attacked opponents with a dirty sock, and his dream character and career prequel, one Dude Love, may be Foley's personal favourite - a man who preaches fun, freedom and good times. But for me, and this is probably largely due to the journey his first autobiography took me on, I'll always be a Cactus Jack guy. Because who doesn't love a batshit crazy cowboy? It fit Foley to a tee - and we all know the man was batshit crazy in all of the best ways. His promos were intense, bizarre and cerebral, and his bumps? Oh god, the way he would bump!

Let's be honest, Foley was us, man... And we loved him for it.



#11: William Regal
Real name: Darren Kenneth Matthews
Debut: 1983
From: Blackpool, England
Height: 6'3" Weight: 243 lbs.

Putting the fun back in fundamentals since 1983, William (or Steve, if you prefer) Regal is a wonderful juxtaposition of classy British personality with ruthless, brutish physicality. Regal taught us that it was perfectly acceptable to be a thug, as long as you did it with dignity. Seriously though, Regal gave you the whole package: he was one of the top in-ring mechanics, he had seething, venomous power on the microphone, and understood match psychology like few others. Though a lot of his WWE stint was played for laughs (slugging the opponents with brass knuckles, kissing McMahon's rear and - my personal favourite - accidentally peeing on the Big Show's leg), there was nothing funny about his talent. His occasional partnerships with Lance Storm (two-time WWE World Tag champs) is one of my favourite duos of all time, and a perfect example of what happens when you pair two talented wrestlers together.



#10: Mr. Perfect
Real name: Curtis Michael "Curt" Hennig
Debut: 1980
From: Robbinsdale, Minnesota
Height: 6'3" Weight: 257 lbs.

Rarely has a moniker suited a wrestler so well. Mr. Perfect was everything he was advertised to be, and a revelation between the ropes that still gets me excited to this day. His look: perfect. His physique and smug grin made him a recognisable grappler. His promos: perfect +. Just pick one and watch it - you will be enamoured with him instantly (if you're unsure, try his meeting with Vikings' tight end Steve Jordan). His ability in the ring? perfect ++. He moved at a speed that made him look like a man half his size; he was quick, exciting and methodical. He made things thrilling in a way other big men weren't at the time (save for one guy who may make an appearance later in this list!)

...Oh, and for the record, if we're talking about his entrance music, it is perfect ++++. I want to walk down the wedding aisle to that shit, man.



#9: Eddie Guerrero
Real name: Eduardo Gory "Eddie" Guerrero Llanes
Debut: 1987
From: El Paso, Texas
Height: 5'8" Weight: 220 lbs.

You may have surmised while looking through this list that I have a particular affinity for heels. Whether it's a coincidence, or the fact that their role of antagonising the crowd makes them more fun to me, I seem more likely to be cheering for the guy who's getting the jeers. For much of his career, this was Eddie Guerrero, but later on, he became the WWE's new version of Stone Cold Steve Austin: a guy who did all of the wrong things, but we just loved him all the more.

Guerrero's face turn, circa 2002, made him one of the most endearing characters of all time. Like they said, he lied, he cheated and he stole, but at least he was honest about it. I'm loath to mention Chris Benoit, but the moment the two shared at WrestleMania XX as champions was beautiful. Eddie had a lot more in the tank, and his early death is one of the reasons I began to lose interest in wrestling.



#8: Owen Hart
Real name: Owen James Hart
Debut: 1983
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Height: 5'10" Weight: 229 lbs.

While we're on the subject of early deaths, we will never forget the horrible, tragic way that Owen Hart's life ended way too soon. What people tend to forget, however, is that during his career, he was possibly the most underrated wrestler of all time.

Owen was just dynamite, man. He was electric, he was clever and he was spritely. Often relegated to the shadows as 'Bret's brother', it was through no fault of his own that he didn't receive the necessary push to become the top dog. He was interchangeable as a face or a heel, he brought you everything you wanted as a wrestler and a human being, and he could do it all, no matter what gimmick you lumped him with. I don't know why, but sixteen years after the accident, thinking about all of the untapped potential Owen had still makes me mad as hell.



#7: Jushin Thunder Liger
Real name: Keiichi Yamada
Debut: 1984
From: Tokyo, Japan
Height: 5'7" Weight: 209 lbs.

Do you have a favourite Japanese wrestler? Whether you're a fan of Tiger Mask or Ultimo Dragon or any of the myriad to have come from the land of the rising sun, one thing remains consistent: talent. Without the American obsession with pushing guys based more on their size than their ability, you often see the cream of the crop in Japanese wrestling, and a purer product as a result.

Liger's anime-based appearance is a sight to behold, but once the match starts, the true amazement begins. His fluidity and athleticism are top notch, and the fact that it's hard to tell how old he is in a match is a testament to how he has remained at the top of his game for so long. Though he saw his best success in the USA with WCW, his top stuff was when he was back home in Japan. Check out Liger vs. Owen Hart for a prime example of this!



#6: "Macho Man" Randy Savage
Real name: Randy Mario Poffo
Debut: 1973
From: Sarasota, Florida
Height: 6'2" Weight: 237 lbs.
Ohhhhh yeaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!! Though Hulk Hogan was the biggest thing in wrestling during the 80s, the most talented headliner on the card was undoubtedly the Macho Man. Where do you begin when describing the legend of Randy Savage? I guess first, you'd address his character, which could be best summarised as 'batshit crazy'. The shades, the hat, the promos with Mean Gene Okerlund that teetered between incomprehensible noises and complete lunacy, he was the whole package in the weirdest possible way. But let's not forget what he was when he was in the squared circle: simply one of the most athletic and energetic big men in wrestling history. I remember a tag match where him and Hogan were together. Hulk's was the standard fare of the time; slow-paced and crowd influencing. Then, Savage tags in and comes flying at the opponents like the Tasmanian Devil. He always seemed to be, as I once saw it so eloquently put, 'high as balls', and it resulted in one of the most legendary and enduring figures in wrestling.



#5: Bret Hart
Real name: Bret Hart
Debut: 1978
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Height: 6'0", Weight: 235 lbs.
Whenever a debate occurs about where the greatest wrestlers come from, it doesn't take the Canadian participant long to mention the Hit Man. He is one of the purest top guys in WWE history: a man who embodied everything it took to be the perfect wrestler.

A fan favourite as one of many tag combinations and still recognised as one of the greatest heavyweight champions of all time (five times in WWE alone), Bret remains the pinnacle of what every Canadian wrestler aspires to be: a guy who let his talent do the talking, and who projected an aura unlike any other. He was the unquestioned star of the pre-Attitude 90s era, and as a result, he became a staple of the many curiosities of our childhood that we still hold dear today. Whether it's his appearance on the Simpsons ('this place has got old man stink!') or as one of the participants of the greatest wrestling game of all time... You know the one...



#4: The New Day (Xavier Woods, Big E & Kofi Kingston)
Real names: Austin Watson, Ettore Ewen & Kofi Nahaje Sarkodie-Mensahamp 
Debut: 2014
From: various
Combined Weight: 702 lbs.
I tried to just pick one. I really, truly did. Because this was supposed to be a list of my favourite wrestlers - and this entry will stick out like a sore thumb. Is it Kofi's athleticism? Xavier's wizardry with the mic? Or Big E's fluidity that makes him look like a man half his size? It's... it's just everything, man. I couldn't choose. Because as a collective, they have reignited my interest in wrestling. Each of them is fantastic, but this faction has captivated me in a way that no other has before. Their gimmick is wondrous, their promos unrivalled, their matches sharp and yet oh so much goofy fun. Lumped with a run-of-the-mill gospel schtick, they retooled it to become the most refreshing thing in wrestling in, dare I say it, more than a decade. I just love them, and I hope beyond hope that their tenure is a long one. They've got so much more left to do, and I look forward to it. And if you really dislike the fact that I listed a trio in my top 20, I'm sorry for ruining your jamboree.



#3: Chris Jericho
Real name: Christopher Keith Irvine
Debut: 1990
From: Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
Height: 6'0" Weight: 227 lbs.
Third place goes to the best heel of the new millennium: Chris freakin' Jericho. This guy is pure money, man. A rockstar (legitimately, no less) who oozes charisma, he's simply infectious. You want to watch Jericho, whether you love him or hate him. One of the true students of the game, Jericho was like putty, mouldable to best complement the abilities of his opponents. If you needed him to be a grounded technician, he brought it. If you needed an up-tempo flyer, look no further. There was nothing he couldn't do - the only limitations were your imagination.

I already alluded to it, but Jericho not only ranks top three for my overall wrestlers, he's easily top three in the promo game, to boot. He takes a storyline and just runs with it, building momentum and energy that makes it the most important thing on the card. Then, the match happens, and what do you know? It steals the show. He just brings it, man.



#2: Kurt Angle
Real name: Kurt Steven Angle
Debut: 1998
From: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Height: 6'0" Weight: 240 lbs.
Whenever the legitimacy of professional wrestling comes under fire, my trump card remains Kurt Angle, perhaps the greatest pro wrestler of all time. We all know the story; he's a legitimate gold medal Olympian. He made the jump to the pro game, and he had a rookie campaign akin to Oscar Robertson. From there, he just never stopped, having a knack for sports entertainment that makes him the top dog no matter where he goes. He was just the absolute best - unrivalled as a pure wrestler, often hilarious and fantastic fun on the microphone, and courageous enough to give anything a shot: see, his moonsault off the cage. See further, any of his moonsaults, which are the prettiest in the game.

Remember before how I said that if I had a company, Benjamin would get a push as #1? For the record, Angle would be the one running the whole show.



#1: Lance Storm
Real name: Lance Timothy Evers
Debut: 1990
From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
Height: 5'1" Weight: 231 lbs.
Anyone who knows my wrestling history ('sup Dennie?) knows that this spot was never in question. When I began to actively follow wrestling in about 2000, I was watching WCW, and I instantly became a fan of Lance Storm. He is my Steve McNair, my Joe Carter - my most favourite athlete of the pro wrestling world! And why wouldn't he be; his matches are like butter, man, because they are smooth as hell. A man who grappled better than most others, Lance was typically a heel (and that's how I prefer him, mostly), but when he did a face turn in 2003, he opened up a whole new bag of tricks. Despite the fact he was 34 years old and no spring chicken, he was bouncing and flipping about like a man half his age. It made you realise: he could always do the high-flying antics, but he chose not to because he understood that as the villain, he could not get the crowd on his side. A true genius. A cunning veteran. And my favourite wrestler. Bless you, Lance.

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Tony's Titans 2015/16: Marcus and Friends


Who'd have thought we'd end up here - with the top pick in the draft for the first time in my stint as a Titans backer. With only one more win than we mustered in the previous season, you'd imagine that I would be feeling just as bitter as I did this time last year. But I'm really not, and you'll find out why shortly (or you could make an inference from the header image, I guess).

Am I convinced that the Titans are better than their 3-13 record indicated? Not as a whole, no. They have more gaps to fill than the Titanic. But they have enough promising prospects here and there peppered about the roster, that with one really solid offseason, they could jump atop the weak AFC South. The opportunity is there for the taking, just ask yourself objectively: were they to somehow land Joe Thomas, Alex Mack and a strong CB in free agency, then bolster their trenches with Joey Bosa, how could they not be a threat?

Quarterback
#3 Matt Hasselbeck (2011-2012)
Matty Ice has slipped! What could this mean? And where on earth is Vince the Prince? Gadzooks...!

#2 Marcus Mariota
2015-present


All-Time Career
230-370 for 2,818 yards, 19 TDs, 10 Ints, 91.5 rating
34 rushes for 252 yards, 2 TDs, 10 fumbles, 7.4 Avg

Jump on this bandwagon while you still can kiddies, because it's going to get crowded real fast. Though it may appear presumptuous to the point of foolishness for me to anoint Mariota the real deal after only one injury-shortened season and a personal record of 3-9, but it's clear to anyone watching that this kid has it. Remember how I was drooling at the mouth about the idea of stealing Vince Young in the draft and watching him become legendary? This is the same thing, except with key intangibles that Vince lacked. Mariota is quiet, heady and determined. He will learn from his mistakes and improve his game with each season.

The biggest hurdle he faces, and it is indeed one that terrifies me, is his offensive line. They were so terrible in 2015, they couldn't even block a spambot. Mariota hit the turf 38 times officially, and countless times beyond that without the ball in his hands. This is simply unacceptable. David Carr never got a chance to succeed in the NFL because of dismal protection stunting his growth, and if the same were to happen to Mariota, it could be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't jump teams, of course, but the Titans would find themselves at the back of the Tony fandom line, reserved for such oddities as Liverpool and the Sydney Swans.

To put it simply: DO NOT MESS THIS UP, TENNESSEE. My occasional merchandise dollars depend on it!!

#1 Steve McNair (1995-2005)
Hello Mac, my old friend. You look down on us from the heavens, smiling warmly and shaking your head at this hapless little team you so loved. Then, you probably crash into something and break three bones, but shrug it off anyway. That's just the kind of fella you are.

Running Back
#3 Chris Johnson (2008-2013)
#2 Chris Brown (2003-2007)
#1 Eddie George (1996-2003)
Strangely enough, though these rankings are populated entirely by guys who no longer have any relevance to the success of the Titans (unless CJ gashes them when they play Arizona), they are more fluid and evolving than you'd think. I am actually liking Johnson better in hindsight than I have in prior years, further removed from his grotesque verbal skills and more fondly remembering the way he would gallop across the field. Maybe he'll grab the second spot back from Chris Brown soon, who in all honesty is more beloved for his Madden contributions than anything he actually did in real life. Meanwhile, steady Eddie becomes more of a favourite for me with each passing day. He's on Broadway now, man. Eddie, you are the freaking KING.

Fullback
#1 Ahmard Hall (2006-2011)
Nothing to report here. Just a badass dude who deserves recognition for his solid contributions over the years. With the fullback position being reduced more and more each year, I wouldn't be surprised if he hangs onto his spot for a long time yet.

Wide Receiver
#5 Tyrone Calico (2003-2005)
#4 Kendall Wright (2012-present)
#3 Nate Washington (2009-2014)
#2 Derrick Mason (1997-2004)
#1 Drew Bennett (2001-2006)
Meh. This could have been an opportunity for Kendall to leapfrog Nate, but alas, there wasn't enough success on the field to warrant it. Kendall is built more like a slot guy than a true #1 receiver; if he were properly utilised he could really do some damage. Down in the 5 hole, Tyrone Calico sees another threat approaching - the unknown Dorial Green-Beckham. Could he be the next big thing in Tennessee? Or another uber-talented guy who couldn't put it together, not unlike Calico himself? Hard to say, really. Fun fact: though Drew is locked in at #1 in the Tony's Titans rankings, were I to actually field this team competitively, Mason would be the go-to guy. D-Mase quietly eked out a really fantastic career, and nobody really noticed for some reason.

Tight End
#2 Erron Kinney (2000-2006)
#1 Frank Wycheck (1995-2003)
So Delanie Walker puts together the most prolific season for a tight end in Titans history, yet still can't breach the compound? How is this fair, exactly? The answer is simple: it doesn't have to be. Maybe one more season and some actual success in the W-L column will be enough to stamp his ticket. In my defence, I actually really like all of the guys I mentioned last year (Cook, Crumpler and Troupe), whereas Walker hasn't endeared himself to me in the same way somehow. If you don't like it, make your own damn rankings!! ...And link to my blog please, because I need the clickz.

Tackle
#4 Jon Runyan (1996-1999)
#3 David Stewart (2005-2013)
#2 Michael Roos (2005-2014)
#1 Brad Hopkins (1993-2005)
Your time will come, Taylor Lewan. Just keep on keepin' on, and you will know the glory and majesty that is Tony's Titans rankings (an illustrious place in history that has contained such luminaries as Roydell Wiliams and Lamont Thompson). Much like Delanie Walker, Lewan is a viable building block towards success, but without collecting actual victories, he falls short. Call me a hypocrite for not applying this same stigma to Mariota, if you will, but I just love the guy that much. So much so that he's actually one of only four players that I've ever bought a jersey for (the others being McNair, George and a little-known special teamer named Anthony Cocking. Yes, I'm that lame).

Guard
#4 Jacob Bell (2004-2007)
#3 Jake Scott (2008-2011)
#2 Benji Olson (1998-2007)
#1 Bruce Matthews (1983-2001)
For a third straight time, I must allude to the possibility of a new entrant in the near future, this time in the form of Chance Warmack. He shed a lot of weight last offseason and looked to take the leap, but somehow, he just... didn't. Whether the poor performance of the line as a whole has sullied his image, or if he simply couldn't put it together as I had hoped, he's definitely stalled. I can entirely see a future (perhaps the one I alluded to with Thomas and Mack) where Warmack jumps straight into third place, but we'll have to wait and see. Also, how fantastic would it be to have Mack and Warmack on the same team? Like Alex is Mack, and Chance is the Mack of War?!

Center
#2 Kevin Matthews (2010-2012, 2013)
#1 Kevin Mawae (2006-2009)
I really don't like having Kevin Matthews in my rankings, if we're being honest. I love him simply because he is a Matthews, and his presence merely makes my rankings look pitiful. Have you ever googled Kevin Matthews? He's so anonymous that most articles are actually about a serial killer. I don't think that's him. Anyway, Kevin Mawae was such a beast for Tennessee, I've somehow convinced myself that he was actually there during the glory years of the late 90s and early 00s. Take that, Justin Hartwig!

Defensive End
#4 Kenny Holmes (1997-2000)
#3 Kevin Carter (2001-2004)
#2 Kyle Vanden Bosch (2005-2009)
#1 Jevon Kearse (1999-2003, 2008-2009)
On that note, I'm so glad the DE rankings actually resemble a real, credible thing. Two solid contributors in Holmes and Carter, led by the beasts that were KVB and Kearse - two very different types of players who got results.

Defensive Tackle
#3 Albert Haynesworth (2002-2008)
#2 Tony Brown (2006-2010)
#1 Jurrell Casey (2011-present)
Wowsers trousers! Jurrell's done it at long last, not only using a swim move to surpass Albert Haynesworth, but bull rushing Tony Brown to the ground en route to the #1 ranking he truly deserves. It shouldn't be that much of a surprise, I guess, if you've been reading this blog. Casey made an appearance most recently in my top 10 favourite current athletes, it was bound to translate to results in the rankings. Welcome home, Jurrell. I hope now you can get the recognition you really deserve for quite honestly being one of the most dominant d-linemen in the league.

Outside Linebacker
#4 Derrick Morgan (2010-present)

All-Time Career
215* combined tackles, 27.5 sacks, 5 forced fumbles, 20 deflections

Honestly, Derrick Morgan probably deserved to have made this list much earlier, but unfortunately I had such high expectations when he was drafted that he could scarcely live up to the hype. He slogged mightily in the trenches as a DE before the 3-4 shift, and now exists as an entirely solid OLB. He hit the shelf too early last year, but prior to that, he was a useful piece of a pretty good defence. If the Titans are to turn a corner next season, Morgan will definitely be a big reason, and the fact that he re-signed with Tennessee helps his cause, too. The only question mark is whether the rest of the backers can play up to his standard?

#3 Peter Sirmon (2000-2006)
#2 David Thornton (2006-2010)
#1 Keith Bulluck (2000-2009)
Just some good ol' boys who did some good ol' football. Keith Bulluck remains immortal.

Inside Linebacker
#3 Avery Williamson (2014-present)
#2 Randall Godfrey (2000-2002)
#1 Stephen Tulloch (2006-2010)
Well, shucks. I guess there really isn't much to say here. Williamson's sophomore season was unspectacular; the most noteworthy thing he did was the Hotline Bling dance after sacking Cam Newton. Newton later did a TD celebration dance that Williamson did not like. Newton is now bound for the Super Bowl, and I can't imagine Williamson liking that very much, either.

Cornerback
#5 Jason McCourty (2009-present)
#4 Andre Dyson (2001-2004)
#3 Alterraun Verner (2010-2013)
#2 Cortland Finnegan (2006-2011)
#1 Samari Rolle (1998-2004)
More of the same, really. McCourty gets knicked up, and the rest of the cornerbacks look like fools, by and large. While we're talking about the Panthers making the big dance, actually, let's give props to my man Cortland Finnegan: he is the biggest reason I will be cheering for Carolina to win. Because after all, I'm not one of these guys who gets bitter about guys running for greener pastures. Chris Bosh played his heart out for atrocious teams in Toronto, then finally took his rings with the Heat. Good on you, Chris Bosh! Munenori Kawasaki is on his way to Chicago, so of course, if the Jays aren't in the World Series, I hope the Cubs can take it all - Mune's celebration alone would make it worth it. I'd even be happy for Vince Carter to claim the title, as long as it isn't with Memphis.

Free Safety
#2 Vincent Fuller (2005-2010)
#1 Marcus Robertson (1991-2000)
Vincent Fuller was a backup to Michael Griffin. I liked him better. Daimion Stafford is a backup to Michael Griffin. I like him better, too. I hope he gets more playing time next season, I think they've really got something there.

Strong Safety
#2 Chris Hope (2006-2011)
#1 Blaine Bishop (1993-2001)
Of course, the issue is that Stafford actually plays strong safety, officially. So he's really the backup to DaNorris Searcy, who I like better than Michael Griffin, too. Poor Michael Griffin, I don't know why I dislike him so much - I guess it's just been too many years of maddening mistakes. Including some missed tackles when I was playing Madden - which you could call Maddening mistakes, if you were so inclined.

Kicker
#1 Rob Bironas (2005-2013)
Remember when Bironas kicked eight field goals against the Texans? That's either an awesome indication of how good he was, or a sad reminder of how pathetic the offense was in actually finishing drives. Either way, Bironas rocked.

Punter
#1 Craig Hentrich (1998-2009)
Like seriously, Craig is a punter, yet ranked in at #11 when I pitted all of the Titans against each other. That's some serious shit, man.

Head Coach
#1 Jeff Fisher (1994-2010)
Because he's certainly not Mike Mularkey.

Favourite Game
Steelers 14, Titans 31 (December 21, 2008)
Week 1 against the Buccaneers this year is also a contender, you know.

Tony's Year
- DISCONTINUED -
Because like we established last year, a guy like Kevin Matthews accounts for as much of a vote as Steve McNair, and that's just silly. Plus it was a pain in the ass to crunch the numbers. My guess is that the winner was probably still 2006, or something.

...Here's another picture of Marcus Mariota for your enjoyment.