True Blue Blue Jays

We're only a month into the 2013 edition of MLB, and already, alarm bells are ringing across Toronto. Those silly old Blue Jays, for all of their bluster and fanfare, have stumbled out of the gates with all of the grace of a blinded Sasquatch, starting the year at 10-17, pending the results of today's Boston match.

Mediocre starts are nothing new for the Jays, who have been banished from the playoffs for twenty years like Simba from the Pride Lands, but what is new is that we didn't see it coming this season, truly we didn't.

Their offseason will go down in Jays history, at this rate, in infamy. The Marlins trade. The acquisition of Melky Cabrera. The R. A. Dickey deal, a transaction that was supposed to make the best team in baseball even better. Then, strangely, they lost. The first to lose their minds, the bandwagoners who had not spared the Jays a thought since Saved by the Bell was cool, were swiftly dismissed by the level-headed Jays faithful. Of course they're starting slow, we assured the masses, they've just been assembled. Remember how the Miami Heat had some growing pains in year 1?

Then, something strange happened: nothing changed. The Jays kept losing, sometimes by a lot, now against division rivals. Losing one game sucks. But losing a game while simultaneously donating a W to the enemy's record? Infuriating.

Jose Reyes, who had been the bright spot upon the Jays' ugly start, was stricken down by Baselor, the monster demigod of baseball, who snapped his ankle upon his neon claws. Apologies to the Simpsons for that vague, tattered reference.

Dickey has been solid, but not spectacular. Josh Johnson is heading to the DL. Mark Buehrle has pitched about as well as I would, at a much higher price. The Jays' bats have been about as threatening as a bowl of soup.

It's truly disheartening to have the misplaced affection of Jays' fans smacked around so brutally. Hell, I was convinced they would succeed last year, simply for the superficial reason that they had a nice new logo, and so far, that team has been much better than this year's, with the added benefit of fewer drunken fans mouthing off.

This is not the end of the Jays season. Of course it isn't, it's only May! But it could be a major factor down the road, when suddenly the Jays are winning, but the deficit is far too great to make up for. Just ask this year's Toronto Raptors, who dug a 4-12 hole they never surfaced from.

So indeed, you may dismiss this pathetic start as a mere scratch. But look deeper, and you may find that it was a scratch from the king of cats, and far more lethal than it first appeared...