And indeed, I assume that the children are filled with cheese!
I sit here giddily typing away at the computer, ready to relay (or parlay, since I haven't used that word today) the grand shopping escapade that dad, Jessica and I went about.
Twiddlin' me thumbs here in Australia, I often ponder the things I left behind in North America... my home... my mother... but also, my sweet, sweet candy goodness!!
Indeedy deedy, we took a drive up to USA Foods today and stockpiled on all those dandy little American products that never make it to the Aussie shore... For all ye who care (even though that might just be me and perhaps Count Chocula if he's reading), here's a list of every little thing we bought! If you're Australian, you can gasp and ponder the mysteries of these special brands. If you're American or Canadian, you can chortle with glee that these products are at your disposal all year round as you take them for granted. If you're from Jamaica... say, how'd you find my BLOG? I don't know any Jamaican people...
Here's the tally, O'Mally!! (I like to rhyme.)
10 pack of Butterfingers, eight Nutter Butter cookies, Oh Henry bar (Oh hungry? Oh hell yes), Diet Dr. Pepper, pretzel poppers of the nacho cheese variety, Milk Duds, Jujyfruits & Junior Mints (all for the sake of Seinfeld), strawberry twizzlers, Bubblicious in cotton candy glory (NOT fairy floss, you fools!!), Reece's Pieces king-sized pack and mini-cups, Tootsie Rolls (a-one, a-two, a-three. CRUNCH. A-three.), salt water taffy, Reynolds non-stick foil (the tastiest treat of all is pure non-stickiness!), Pop-tarts of s'mores, caramel chocolate, frosted blueberry and hot fudge persuasion, Reese's Puffs cereal, Crest white vanilla toothpaste (it's $8 toothpaste but it's ALL MINE, dammit!), Lucky Charms (praise the lord!!), Betty Crocker's scalloped potatoes and hash browns (I thought Betty was a chocolate mogul? That broad sure got around...), Hamburger Helper Philadelphia cheesesteak mix, the good Count Chocula, two Clamatos and an enigmatic 'Sting Ray mixer' rival, Hershey's chocolates and dark chocolates (which are sugar-free, might I add), Shake 'n' Bake spicy chicken, Zatarain's shrimp creole base, Kraft catalina dressing (isn't that a Star Wars planet?), A&W root beer, A&W diet root beer (for those image-conscious guzzlers out there), Snapple diet peach and diet pink lemon, Coca-Cola Blak and an almighty 24-pack of Dr. Pepper that took a muscular $30 from our wallet.
All up, that's 62 items of America goodness, all for the unholy sum of $316.39 Australian dollars (hidden joke there that only Atcho will notice). Hooooooly crap, we loves our American goodness. I'd actually like to see what all that would've added up to in the US, I reckon a thrice of the price, but what the hey, I got my damned cereal, I'll be fine.
...Of a final note is the peculiar Coke Blak bottle I purchased for novelty value. It claimed to be a Coke, but it had odd packaging that intrigued me into its purchase. Americans have had it around since 2006 but its unlikely to hit Aussie shores too soon (bit like that blue Pepsi stuff, eh?), and after my first swig I keenly noted it was a coffee-flavoured Coca-Cola. Some three hours later, and I think it has consumed my insides. Sure it tasted kinda neat, but let's look at the facts here - you're combining CAFFEINE-LADEN COKE with CAFFEINE-LADEN COFFEE and getting CAFFEINE-LADEN CONSUMERS who CAN NO LONGER SLEEP AT NIGHT. I opted for the one bottle (at $3.29 of course) and have not regretted that decision. For about twenty minutes my hands were twitching furiously and my eyes were kinda blurry, making scrambled-egg cooking a hazardous task; I don't think I needed 12 of the damn things.
Perhaps the blame should be put somewhere else, but as that cannot be confirmed nor denied, I shall place the blame on my imminent death on the godless, soulless Coca-Cola Blak. ...Beware! Good for pulling an all-nighter! Even better for pulling an all-weeker!
Maybe I'm just not as tolerant as you Americans with your bellies of steel, I'll just take my Freddo frogs and leave the dangerous stuff to y'all. ...Just as long as I get to keep my 8520 milliletres of Dr. Pepper.
