Havoc in Heaven 2012

Every now and then, I lapse back into a fascination with professional wrestling, and I frequently look over the original dream card I had constructed way back in 2011. And I still attest: it's a damn fine event, with swarths of talent and a nice mix of variety to keep things fresh and interesting. However, I can't help but think two things: one, there are so many other talented wrestlers who I just couldn't fit on the schedule, and two, it's far too safe.

All of the matches, save for the Angle/Hart main event, happened in some way, shape or form in the past. Storm/Jericho... Guerrero/Benoit... Rock/Austin/Kane/Foley... I went with what I knew, and what I liked. It didn't really stretch the 'what if' factor that makes these cards so much fun. So I've decided to fire the thinkin' box back up, this time reaching deeper into the echelons and trying to really assemble a lineup that is fun and exciting.

The only qualifier: nobody from the first event can make a return. As you might have fathomed, almost all of my favourite wrestlers are in there. If I recycled some of them, it would defeat the purpose and limit the variation. This is a new dream card, not 'how many ways can we squeeze Lance Storm into a PPV'. That'll come another day, probably.

So tonight, grab a front row seat and witness the mayhem. Gorilla Monsoon and Jesse 'the Body' Ventura have the call. Let's get this havoc underway!!

The venue: Skydome
Screw 'Rogers Centre', it will always be the goddamn Skydome to me. You may think that holding this event in Toronto, Canada would infer that the America vs. Canada angle is making a return, but I assure you that it has run its course. Also, in case you're wondering, the year is 2012, because why would we have not had the event every year?

The dark match: 1-2-3 Kid & Juventud Guerrera vs. Tajiri & The Hurricane
Tag
So without the underlying storyline to play around with ('sif I'd cut off the Canadian national anthem), I need something spicy to get things going in the early stages. What better way of doing that then pitting some cruiserweights against one another?

Sean Waltman may have seen his greatest success as the detestable X-Pac, but I actually liked his earlier work. Sure, 1-2-3 Kid isn't really the most threatening moniker in the world, but he was fun as the underdog babyface, back when you could still run that kind of persona and not be booed. As for Juvy, he was more of the modern day face; edgy and exciting, with more flips and loops than Green Hill Zone.

Over on the other side, you have two more grounded lightweights in Tajiri and the Hurricane. I'm not usually a fan of excessive gimmicks, but to me, the Hurricane was damn good fun. Helms just committed to that schtick 100%, and you'd kind of forget in the process that he was a solid grappler, to boot. As for Tajiri? Yeah, you know what I'm thinking... the best sounding kicks in the business. Every time Tajiri laid the boot to his opponent, it seemed like it hit with bone-crushing power. His overall wrestling technique was just about flawless, and yet I feel as though he was never really featured as the premier cruiserweight talent. He held the belt a few times, but he was lumped a little too much with the 'so solly' Asian bit. Hence why I preferred him as a heel, where he was more sinister.

Anyhow, this match has all of the razzle dazzle of high flying spots mixed in with submissions by Tajiri and Hurricane to slow things down and hold the pace. To keep the crowd on-side, the match starts with 1-2-3 Kid attempting to shake Tajiri's hand. While the referee is distracted by Hurricane on the outside, the Kid receives a face full of mist. Nasty old Tajiri! You'd think the ref would notice that Waltman's face was now inexplicably green.

The final spot sees Hurricane about to attempt the double chokeslam, only to be kicked to the mat by his opponents, who then proceed to do some kind of exciting synchronised flipping attack off of the turnbuckles. The finish gets a big pop, but after the pin, they all need to get out of there fast, before the buzz dies down. Cameras rolling, the rest of the world never gets to know about the spectacular match. Kind of sad, in a way.

1. Razor Ramon (c) vs. Petey Williams for European championship
Singles
I was never much of a Scott Hall fan as a kid, because by the time I got into wrestling the man was more of a caricature of himself than anything else. He did some serious damage, which is sad, because back when he was Razor Ramon, he was slick as hell. He was one of the finest heels of all time, with little more than a smug grin and a thumb to the eye. His opponent, one Petey Williams, is a wrestler I'm only getting to know now. He's a peppy fellow for sure with some awesome tricks up his sleeve.

Keep in mind that this is Scott Hall in his prime here, where he was routinely disposing of smaller opponents, so this looks at first a lot like a squash match. Williams is just taking bumps left, right and center, with Razor taking the opportunity to do things like hold Petey over his head, fling him over the ropes, and just completely dominate. Somehow, Petey still kicks out of every pin attempt, and Razor appears visibly annoyed as the match goes on.

Then, bit by bit, Petey gets his licks in, using his agility to fluster Razor and show off his high-flying capabilities. Suddenly, Razor lands a thunderous right hook that stops Petey in his tracks. The kind that echoes through the arena. Petey tumbles to the mat, and Razor picks him up for the Razor's Edge. It's looking like it's over, until Petey manages to wrench free from Razor's grasp. He lands back down, and hits a shocking Canadian Destroyer.

One! Two!

Razor still kicks out, and scurries to the sideline, where he yanks the belt from the timekeeper's grasp. He clobbers Petey over the noggin, and the match is over. Petey Williams takes the win, but of course, the title doesn't change hands on a DQ, so Razor remains the champion. He proceeds to pummel Petey with the shiny weapon until he's left a bloody mess. Ouch.

2. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer vs. Pat Patterson & Ric Flair
Handicap

Full disclosure again: I'm not really the biggest Taker guy in the world. His matches move too slowly for my taste, with him lumbering around like an animated tree most of the time. However, he's one of the finest spectacles of wrestling: his entrances were electric, his visage menacing. The Undertaker is one of the true legendary characters in wrestling, so he gets the nod.

How best to utilise him, though? Perhaps by matching him up against two of the famous 'cowards' of wrestling? Patterson and Flair, throughout the years, have been hilarious tricksters to watch: routinely taking cheap shots and using underhanded tactics to get the win. To see their brains put together against the dead man himself would surely be an amusing show to behold.

As you can imagine, Flair and Patterson mostly attempt to overwhelm Taker by beating him up as a tandem, but inevitably he's able to strike back. Irish whip to the ropes, boom! Double clothesline. Two armbars at the same time? No problem! He outmuscles them to bonk their heads together in a way that would make Moe Howard proud.

To add some wrestling credibility to the match, there are occasions where either Flair or Patterson are incapacitated for a while, allowing some proper grappling to take place as the other has to duel with Taker one-on-one. We arrive at our conclusion when Undertaker attempts his stroll along the ropes to nail Patterson with what amounts to basically a flying slap in the face, but Flair bangs the ropes at the last moment to knock Taker off-balance. After this most unpleasant de-knackering, Taker is dragged to the middle of the ring, where he's subject to a combination sleeper hold and figure four leg lock. This lasts for ages, since he simply will not tap out. At last, the ref begins to lift Taker's limp arm to see if he's KO'd. On the very last drop, Taker's arm shoots to the air. He clutches his hand into a fist, reaches over, and socks Patterson in the face. He then manages to turn the leg lock over, putting the pressure onto Ric. Flair immediately taps out. Not often Taker won with a submission, I recall.

3. Rikidōzan & Ultimo Dragon vs. La Parka & El Santo
Hurricane Tag
To settle one of the age-old debates, we will see which is really the greatest wrestling nation: Mexico or Japan? Ultimo Dragon and La Parka are obviously fine inclusions; Ultimo was one of the slickest and sharpest guys out there, while La Parka bucked the trend by being more of a brawler.

But the main story here is obvious. Rikidōzan, the man who brought wrestling to Japan, vs. El Santo, the hero of Mexican luchadores. Honestly, I can't find any footage of a Santo match that isn't taken from a movie, but the importance of his influence can't be understated. As for Rikidōzan? Well, he may be more remembered nowadays for being the guy who legitimately bashed the ever-loving shit out of Masahiko Kimura for no reason other than... winning, it seemed. And obviously, that's no bueno (or よくない if you will), but he's more there for his status than anything else. The clash of styles here is monumental, which is why I had originally slated Jushin Liger as the Japanese legend. But it just didn't work, in my mind. Gotta go with the name.

It may seem strange to have these two icons face off under the guise of a hurricane tag match, but my reasons for this are sound, albeit admittedly a little unambitious. For most of the match, El Santo will be fighting Ultimo Dragon while Rikidōzan takes on La Parka. We need to build up the moment, you see, and watching them fight these two excellent additions helps as an appetiser. Also, Rikidōzan might actually just start laying haymakers on Santo. That wouldn't be productive, either.

Anyhow, the moment occurs when Ultimo Dragon and La Parka are launched over the ropes, and there they are. The two legends, staring each other dead in the eye. The crowd goes wild, the fight is finally upon us, and away they go! To be very clear, the two are matching each other blow for blow. Neither is giving an inch, and (more importantly) neither is damaging their mythos.

Eventually, the two collide in the ring, and they're both knocked down flat. While they're lying there, La Parka has finally re-entered. Seeing his opportunity, he covers Rikidōzan for the pin, but he kicks out. Ultimo returns and launches La Parka to the turnbuckle. He then attempts to pin Santo. But no dice. The two monsters are simply indomitable. They launch back to their feet, and take it to their opponents. With La Parka and Ultimo felled, Rikidōzan and Santo each go for the pin fall. After the three count, both get up, celebrating. But who really won the match?

...It's too close to tell, so the match is declared a draw. The boos rain down from the heavens (which is ironic, because this is heaven, isn't it?), until the commissioner... oh shit, who's the commissioner? We'll go with Bischoff here. His decision is for Rikidōzan and El Santo to settle the whole thing in the next PPV, once and for all. The crowd goes wild, the two men shake hands, and the countdown begins for the final fight... (Spoiler alert: Santo wins the rematch. He's like Sebulba - he always wins!)

4. Fabulous Moolah (c) vs. Megumi Kudo for women's championship
Last Woman Standing

Don't think I haven't noticed the heavy Japanese influence of this card: it's a result of broadening my wrestling horizons, and there has been so much exciting stuff happening there over the years. Maybe by the time the next HiH drops (2019 by my math), it'll be loaded with Mexicans. Because like the saying goes, "In Canada, it's a tradition. In Japan, it's a sport. In Mexico, it's a religion. In America, it's a joke."

...I don't actually believe that phrase, I just find it amusing.

So Megumi Kudo. If you were to do a quick Youtube search, you'd see some terrifying stuff, man. Several of her highlights involve barbwire, small explosions and on occasion, her hair ablaze. She is routinely flung about like a rag doll, the underdog competitor pitted against insurmountable odds. But I see more than that. I see solid fundamentals and keen timing in the ring. It's just a shame that she's had to build a career out of bludgeoning herself half to death.

On the other side, we have the Fabulous Moolah. A true throwback to the age of rock 'n' wrestling and beyond, she was a joy to watch. She was bold, expressive and methodical. Sure, her matches often moved at a snail's pace, but it was by design: Moolah would construct the storyline early, the two opponents feeling each other out, with a clear dominator being established. As a result, the payoff felt sweeter. Too often, matches shoot out of the gates at 120%, and nothing builds. We see an exciting spot midway through, and it's par for the course. That's why Moolah was queen for so long: she got it. You build a strong character before the match, and let that tell the tale in the early stages.

In this match, Moolah simply works her craft: the smaller Kudo is harassed in this fight, with constant mat-based submissions being applied. Every time Kudo begins to launch a comeback, Moolah simply rolls out of the ring to return to neutral. Clearly, Kudo has the ability to launch a sudden killing blow at any time, and Moolah can't afford to let that happen. So she relies on trying to knock her opponent out and flee every time she faces adversity. When Kudo hits a surprise offensive flurry that almost takes the match, Moolah again seeks sanctity from the sideline, arguing with the ref about underhanded tactics. Kudo responds with a baseball slide and follows after her, banging her against the guard rails and messing her up (no blood, though! The Fabulous Moolah does not bleed).

Seeing the dangers of lurking on the outside, Moolah returns to the comparative safety of the ring, now obligated to fight Kudo on the up-and-up. Moolah's previous regime of holds and energy conservation gives her the upper hand, and she hits a final backbreaker to put Kudo out for good.

...Except, this is Megumi Kudo, who does not go down to a backbreaker. She gets up and hits the shocked Moolah with the Kudome Valentine. It's a vicious move, and it's something not even the queen can overcome. Kudo is your new women's champion.

5. Terry Funk (c) vs. Steve Blackman vs. Shane McMahon for hardcore championship
Falls count anywhere
So you know how I've been adverse to sticking in needlessly violent matches to maintain wrestling purity? Let's stray from that, just a little, to have a brutal slugfest for shits and giggles. The usual suspects appear: Steve Blackman, martial artist. Shane McMahon, professional bumper. Terry Funk, who once duelled a horse.

In the past, I've always tried to meticulously plan the matches out in my head. But proper hardcore matches require the things that you just couldn't see coming. Thumbtacks. Barbed wire. Light bulbs. All of the items that have made backyard wrestling so notorious (and stupid). Think Foley flying off the cage. Think Benjamin flipping off of the ladder. Think Edge and Jeff Hardy [insert one of many Edge/Jeff spots here].

So yeah. The skirmish commences in the ring, where Shane starts the fun with a chair. Upping the ante, Blackman soon brings out his nunchaku. Terry Funk, well, he's Terry Funk, so he tops it off with a flaming 2x4 adorned with barbed wire. Before long, tragedy strikes as the 2x4 sets the ring aflame. They scramble to the sideline while it's put out, but before long, they simply continue the madness up the ramp, into the back stage, and finally, out of the arena and into the streets of Toronto. The combatants literally dodging cars as they duel, a stretch limousine suddenly squeals to a halt, blocking traffic. And out come the Toronto Blue Jays! They take it to all three competitors - it's unclear with whom their allegiances lie, or more importantly, why they are here and so mean, but who cares! Jose Bautista cracks Funk over the head with a baseball bat. Munenori Kawasaki does a moonsault off the limo. Jose Reyes probably injures himself.

The police finally hit the scene, arresting all of the people involved. What does this mean for the match? Who won? WHO IS THE NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION?

6. Don Muraco w/the Grand Wizard vs. Antonino Rocca
Singles

So we now return to wrestling in a much simpler form. Yes, we have gone from fighting baseball players in the streets of Toronto to a match between Don Muraco and Antonino Rocca. Why the hell not, I say.

Rocca was obviously light years ahead of his time: flipping onto his head and doing handstands when most wrestlers were simply large men who grappled with one another in the middle of the ring. Had I been an impressionable youth back then, Rocca would have no doubt inspired me in ways his contemporaries would not. He was a true athlete and showman; a spectacle that defied imagination.

His opponent, the Magnificent Muraco, was one of the great bullies of wrestling. His demeanour contemptible, his style arrogant, and his cronies effectively a 'who's who' of heel managers. As you may have noticed, this year's edition of Havoc trades off a little bit of technical ability for big personalities, but I don't think this match would suffer, necessarily.

The thing about wrestling in Rocca's day, of course, was kayfabe was at its strongest. Many people legitimately thought that they were watching two men combat one another in the ring. I mean, honestly, who would believe that anyone would take a headscissors in an actual fight without simply flinging the bastard to the ground, but still. It was a magical thing.

This bout plays the familiar schtick of the spritely Rocca locking horns with the physicality of Muraco, but does not see Muraco overwhelming his opponent, running the risk of just becoming Hall/Williams take 2. Rocca has the strength to be able to send Muraco reeling, but every time the behemoth responds, he flattens Rocca with his blows. When Rocca brings out the leg lock, the Grand Wizard clambers onto the apron to distract the ref. Muraco taps like it's going out of style, but alas, it goes unseen. He's able to grab hold of the ropes to claim freedom. Rocca picks him up, sends him into the Irish whip. Muraco counters, throws Rocca to the ropes. Muraco tries a back drop; Rocca leapfrogs over. Another go round, Rocca slides under Muraco's legs. One last time. Rocca does a hand spring, but Muraco's not having it. He anticipates the move and cracks Rocca in the jaw. The pin, the win. Sometimes the bad guys come out on top, eh?

Filler: The Mark Henry Challenge

The World's Strongest Man has an open invitation to find anyone able to match his immense power. The challengers have been many, but none have succeeded. The latest competitor has anonymously arranged for an arm wrestling contest. Henry stands there, table in the ring with a rather dapper looking red cloth covering it. He cuts a promo, because suspense, when there's a bang! The pyros launch, and he arrives...

The Shockmaster.

Legend of legends. Star of stars. MASTER OF SHOCK. He enters the ring (tripping on the ropes as he does. Luckily, he collects his helmet before his true identity is compromised), and grabs hold of the mic. He has something important to say!! He's coming for Mark Henry... And if he's able to outmuscle him... Henry must become his... CHAUFFEUR!!

Egads! The competitors take their seats. Henry appears to hold the upper hand (literally), until suddenly, he stops!! He slumps over in his chair, and the Shockmaster claims the victory. He is the strongest man!! But how could this be...? The true nature is revealed when Mini-Dust emerges from under the table, taser in hand. What a dastardly twist! I look forward to seeing Mark Henry donning the little hat.

7. Shawn Michaels vs. AR Fox
Ladder

So I know what you're thinking here. Surely my inclusion of AR Fox is based solely on his frantic skirmish against Kitsune, a veritable dick showing contest featuring two spectacles of athleticism? Why yes, yes it is! But Tony, I hear you mutter nervously, isn't the issue there that the constant array of flips and bounces make each individual moment less spectacular? Ehhh, maybe. I'd argue that if you watch any lucha libre match, it definitely doesn't grow old. Nor did I become disengaged during the Fox/Kitsune match, but if that's how you must feel (who in the hell are you, anyway?), I present his opponent; master of in-ring buildup and storytelling, one Shawn Michaels.

HBK was yet another guy I didn't particularly appreciate at the time, but I can see now that when he gelled, it was poetry. Could a relative unknown like Fox be able to formulate the drama and intrigue without relying simply on eye-popping agility? I certainly think so. Besides, call me an idiot mark, but high spots are freaking fantastic. So let's give them a goddamn ladder and let them have at it.

I haven't given this match as much thought as I have for prior ones, mostly due to a lack of material to base AR Fox on. He's definitely got a wide arsenal of moves at his disposal, and no doubt he would be eager to pull as many of them out as he could on so grand a stage. How Michaels responds, I guess, depends on how old he is here. Is he one half of the Rockers? Is he DX? Is he a greasy old man? I don't know, to be honest, but I'm leaning towards one of the later versions. Ultra-athletic young HBK vs. ultra-athletic Fox could just turn this dull. So it'll probably be a more grounded, tactical version.

The major spot sees Michaels down for the count, Fox standing over him. A simple pin here should just about do it, however, Fox wants more... he wants it all! He scales the ladder, reaches the top and whoosh! He flips off like a muscular corkscrew. Alas, Michaels rolls aside, and Fox gets a face full of ouch. Michaels rises, wrestling recovery is convenient like that, and goes for the pin. Two count. Well, it wouldn't have been very exciting to end that way, now would it? Michaels goes to work removing the padding from the turnbuckle (why doesn't he just use the ladder? Eh, it's easier this way), when - gadzooks! Fox springs to his feet, grinning like a madman. He slams Michaels' head into the newly exposed corner, leaving HBK slumped against it like a narcoleptic, and then grabs the ladder. He charges, Michaels socks him right in the jaw with some Sweet Chin Music. Pinfall.

8. 'Superfly' Jimmy Snuka vs. Dusty Rhodes
Singles
Let's talk about energy for a moment here.

Energy is something in wrestling that can either put you over the top, or grind people's gears something shocking. Forced energy is something you often see in nervous younger wrestlers. The kind of guys who needlessly gesture to rile up the crowd, frequently seeking validation and trying to win hearts with their 'up tempo style'. Honestly, I'd probably do it if I were in the ring - the concept of people sitting on their hands is terrifying, let's do whatever we can to prevent that.

Genuine energy is infectious. It comes from a persona, an aura. It comes along every now and then, and it makes good wrestlers great, and great wrestlers legendary. Hogan had it. The Rock had it. John Cena has it. They don't have to push the issue at all, their electricity speaks for itself.

It's appropriate, then, that I should book two guys who had energy, albeit in completely different forms. Snuka, a chiseled specimen, was loaded with intensity. A fiery, ballistic competitor, he embodied the spirit of a warrior, and remains one of the most beloved fliers of all time. As for the American Dream? He was magnetic in a form that was rare. The fans loved him, his peers loved him, he was eminently enjoyable, and his gargantuan girth belied his high motor and sound skills in the ring.

Snuka keeps taking it to Dusty, but Rhodes keeps on dancing (sometimes literally), absorbing the punishment and taking his opportunity to fight back when he can. He grounds Snuka by targeting his legs, taking the pace down a notch and evening the odds in his favour. Despite all this, when he nabs a battered Snuka in a headlock, the wild Fijian's eyes pop open like he's just been reactivated. He hammers in the traditional elbows to the gut, launches off of the ropes and hits Dusty with a flying chop. He stumbles to his feet, fights his way to the top turnbuckle and hits Dusty with the splash.

Filler: Interview with David Arquette

The main event is soon to be underway... A battle of champions... So who better for Mean Gene to interview than former world champion, DAVID ARQUETTE? He reflects fondly on his brief run as heavyweight champ. He offers some insight on his past with WCW, and the road that led him to the pinnacle. He feels, honestly that - Okerlund snatches the mic back, stating that there has been a shocking occurrence! A disruption at the Toronto police station! The camera cuts suddenly to nearby Dundas Street, where Terry Funk, Steve Blackman and Shane McMahon have resumed their battle!! GOOD GRACIOUS!! Desks are shattered, papers thrown about the air, and Funk is thrown through a door. Officers attempt to separate Blackman and Shane, grabbing them tightly to restrain them. Without warning, Funk re-emerges, adorned entirely in riot gear! He charges through the masses, bodies strewn everywhere. An officer at last manages to tase him, while another tackles Shane to the floor, pinning him down as he handcuffs him. ...The bell rings! What bell? The portable bell that the referee has brought with him, obviously! Because this random police officer has successfully won by pinfall, and become the NEW HARDCORE CHAMPION!!

Cut back to David Arquette and Gene Okerlund, who appear gobsmacked. At last, Arquette declares 'That is the stupidest fucking thing I have ever seen.' ...And now to the main event.

9. Jushin 'Thunder' Liger & Owen Hart (c) vs. Ricky Steamboat & Dean Malenko for the tag team championship
Tag

Is anyone still reading this now? Can you tell how much I've mailed this event in, sacrificing all credibility for pure insanity and gimmicks? If you're on the threshold, perhaps I can lure you back with this: a match that should be simply beautiful.

No frills here, no gimmicks. I originally had this slated as a cage match, but nah, not even that (primarily because there's no room on the apron for gentlemen to stand). Let's just finish with a clean, slick rumble featuring four hyper-talented wrestlers from varying generations.

Part of me wants to dub Liger and Owen as the 'Hart Foundation X' - a pair of heels who frequently overcome insurmountable odds to claim victory, but I'm opting against it in favour of jettisoning faces and heels for this match. Sure, the duo of Steamboat and Malenko are the 'good guys', but the frenetic, lightning-like abilities of their opponents need not be limited. This takes the more Japanese/Mexican route of 'sure there are heroes and villains, but I'll cheer them all because they are awesome'.

Jushin Liger is someone I missed out on in my youth, bouncing from place to place and spreading his legend worldwide. And what a legend it is: for decades, this man has been assembling matches with impeccable timing, methodical storytelling and - oh yeah - high flying capabilities that can make your head spin. Once I came across him, I was hooked. If you were to do a quick YouTube search through his matches, you'd find that his opponents are a veritable 'who's who' of my favourite wrestlers. Liger basically is the dream match guy. You pit him against the best, and it's one triumph after another.

One of the particular highlights amongst those is one against Mr. Owen Hart. His life cut tragically short, Owen unfortunately doesn't get the credit he truly deserves. Overshadowed in the grand scheme of things by his brother Bret, Owen should be remembered as one of the best wrestlers of all time. Seriously, just do your homework, you'll wonder why Owen never got the push he deserved. The man was clearly one of the most talented wrestlers of his generation, and if he'd gotten the proper angle, he'd go down as one of the all-time greatest.

Their opposition; Steamboat and Malenko, need little introduction. Steamboat was one of the most exciting babyfaces of the 80s: energetic, likeable, and immensely talented. It's no coincidence that a man with a martial arts background struck effectively. His rivalry with Randy Savage showcased exactly what wrestling was capable of: poetry in the ring between two athletes. Do you get an idea of why I'm a little anti-super heavyweight? I'm not here to see behemoths clobber one another. I want to see an event.

And Dean Malenko, the man of 1,000 holds, or as I call him (though it sounds much less threatening) 'Butter Man'. He was smooth, yo. Say the word 'fundamentals' to a wrestling pundit, Malenko's name would come up before long. Everything he executed was picture perfect, and some of his WCW matches in particular ('97 Starrcade vs. Guerrero, August 19th '96 Nitro vs. Regal) should be necessary study for aspiring students of the wrestling game. Also, wow WCW commentary was brutal sometimes. Their obligation to forward promote to Goldberg/Sting/nWo really takes you out of the current bout.

As much as I'd like to 'formulate' a match here, as I've done so far, it does a disservice to what these guys could come up with, with so many potential combinations and variables. Sure, it might make more sense to split things up into two different singles matches, but I just happen to really like the Hart/Liger pair as a concept. Go ahead, write your own match! It'll be amazing, I assure you.

Iffin you're lacking in creativity, my finish has Malenko about to lock Owen into a full nelson. Owen
frantically scrambles to the corner and flips off of the turnbuckle, landing behind Malenko and hitting him with a German suplex. Steamboat tries to intervene, but Liger socks him with an enzuigiri - allowing Owen to lock in, what else? The sharpshooter! Though Malenko is the master of submissions and has locked in more sharpshooters than we ever will, he can't resist. He taps, Owen and Liger retain the belts.

And that brings us to the end of a second curious edition of Havoc in Heaven. Stay tuned sometime in the (not) near future to see who appears next!! (Hint: it may include the enigmatic SWA Kid. I hear he's a talented young man!)

Tony's Raptors

So how come I haven't assembled my all-time Toronto Raptors roster, you ask? The answer is fairly simple, actually. One: I've loved the Raptors for years, but I've only started paying particular attention to them over the past few seasons. Two: The Raptors are two decades of mediocrity. Any all-time Raptors roster will have several parallels with another. You can practically point at the five positions and assign the players.

Due to the lack of suspense and intrigue, I'll be brief. Tony's Raptors 2015 (and probably will stay the same for the foreseeable future) ~

The Starters

PG: Damon Stoudamire (1995-1998)

SG: Vince Carter (1998-2005)

SF: Morris Peterson (2000-2007)

PF: Chris Bosh (2003-2010)

C: Antonio Davis (1999-2004)

The Bench

PG: Alvin Williams (1998-2006)

PG: Kyle Lowry (2012-present)

SG: DeMar DeRozan (2009-present)

SG: Dell Curry (1999-2002)

SF: Tracy McGrady (1997-2000)

SF: Jalen Rose (2003-2006)

PF: Charles Oakley (1998-2001)

PF: Amir Johnson (2009-present)

C: Jonas Valanciunas (2012-present)

C: Marcus Camby (1996-1998)

Weird thought

Did you know that I picked the Super Bowl loser this year, back in mid-December? It's true, y'know! It wasn't my intention, exactly, but in my fictional playoff picture, the Seahawks lost in the championship game.

Of course, it was to the Tennessee Titans, but we can pretend that that never happened. In fairness, it wasn't like I was trying to prognosticate the actual playoffs.

Tony's Top 20 Titans

Avast, you swine! It has come at last: a task less thorough than building an all-time Titans roster, but a truer indication of who has truly claimed the biggest part of my fragile heart, aka WHO'S MAI BISHI!

And despite the brevity of its assembly, I can assure you that it was in no way easy. Trimming it down to twenty was a definite task, while shuffling those twenty around took even longer. My memory of players from long ago is starting to become fuzzy... can I really objectively rank them now, after all these years? Am I just basing these rankings on how fond I am of them at present? Will there ever be a rainbow?

Read on, and find out for yourself!

Honorable mentions: WR Nate Washington (2009-present), C Kevin Mawae (2006-2009), DT Albert Haynesworth (2002-2008)

#20 K Rob Bironas (2005-2013)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Come on. It's a gimme. The only other kickers I've known for this franchise were Joe Nedney, who was on his way out by the time I'd arrived, and Gary Anderson.

Gary Anderson was indeed one of the greatest kickers of all time, but nowhere near as prolific for the Titans. He does however nab the unlisted second place position for one okay year with us, plus his Randy Moss-like mystique.

I've been a Bironas backer for a while now. I'm pleased as punch with him as our kicker, and the only time I wasn't pulling for him was when he was fighting for a roster spot. My money was on Ola Kimrin, the Swede who technically owns the record for longest ever field goal, a 65-yard bomb in a preseason game.

Bironas beat Kimrin out in camp, and though I felt sad to see the possibly record-setting kicking of Kimrin depart, what I got in return was one of the league's very best, who has himself made the record books.

Though statistics often don't show the whole story, Bironas' almost certainly do. Nearly 86% success rate, a game-winning long of 60 (against the Colts!!), and the most field goals in a single game. Eight. I mean, come on!

That last one might be one of the most futile records to hold (along with most punts, or most turnovers against), but it's ours dammit, and we have Rob to thank, along with our anaemic offense.

#19 DT Tony Brown (2006-2010)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Yet another one of those awesome d-lineman stories; Tony Brown was nobody, I tells ya, nobody, when he came to Tennessee. He would become the beneficiary of all the attention claimed by Haynesworth and KVB, but when those days were over, he gained a reputation of his own for being a disruptive force. One of those dudes whose success doesn't always show up on the stat sheet, but makes his presence felt all the same.

Should Fairley end up a Titan, is Brown the odd one out, with the younger and more imposing Jones getting the nod in the middle, alongside Derrick Morgan and Jason Babin on the outside? I hope not. But somebody's gotta lose their starting job there.

It's just fortunate that the Titans are known for rotating in the defensive trenches. For that reason, we've gotten to see Dave Ball leap gloriously like a turkey and Sen'Derrick Marks make as much of an impact as a particularly gooey sneeze directed at the opponent.

#18 TE Frank Wycheck (1995-2003)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2013: Welcome home, Frank. We missed you.

At long last, I have been able to rectify what has been among my most cockamamie set of rankings (still got nothing on safety, though) by adding one of the premiere Titans players to my arsenal. Frankly (ho ho!), Wycheck did it all for the Titans as a dependable receiver and a locker room leader. Most importantly, he was crucial in the developmental process of Steve McNair as a release valve in the passing game, as well as a nifty blocker when McNair decided to run it himself. His lateral pass pictured at the header remains one of the few times we as Titans fans have ever felt like magic could happen, and is still one of the greatest NFL moments of all time.

#17 FS Marcus Robertson (1991-2000)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2013: Damn these incomplete defensive statistics!! The fine, lengthy career of Marcus Robertson is very poorly reflected by what's presented on NFL.com: rest assured, he did more for the Oilers and the Titans than catch 22 picks and a sack and a half. I swear. According to an article on Bleacher Report (so you know it's probably true), he actually tallied 648 tackles with the franchise. That sounds about right to me.

Robertson was a fine safety for a long time, roaming the defensive backfield and nabbing errant throws from the opponents. No offence to Anthony Dorsett, but Robertson's dependable skills were definitely missed in Super Bowl XXXIV - could his extra oomph have led to a Titans victory? I'd rather not think about it, honestly.

#16 T Michael Roos (2005-present)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Over the last five seasons, the Titans have been very up and down. We've been as good as 13-3, and we've been as bad as 4-12. The one consistent, though, has been the play of Michael Roos.

Projected as a late third-rounder, Roos came out of Eastern Washington with very little fanfare. I don't know if the reaction from Titans fans was more rampant than my own apathy, but he was an early second round selection, and no doubt raised some eyebrows in how early he came off the board.

Roos was immediately plugged in at right tackle, and has been a starter ever since. The dude is just solid. He's the anchor of this line, and, one of my favourite qualities, he's quiet. I love Stewart's in your face aggression, but I'm glad to see that the franchise left tackle has virtually no ego. I don't know if I've ever even heard him speak a word.

What a fantastic pair of tackles to come out of that '05 draft. Titans shored up their bookends for years.

#15 CB Alterraun Verner (2010-2013)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: This one is part Verner the player, and part Verner the person.

The result of a fourth round pick we got for sending LenDale White and Kevin Vickerson to Seattle, Verner the burner was thrust into action far earlier than expected due to injuries decimating the secondary.

For his part, he did admirably, providing some excellent highlight reel moments. Of course, the pinnacle was an interception against the Cowboys that he nearly took in for a touchdown.

The other aspect that makes me a Verner fan, as aforementioned, is how cool the dude is. He's humble, hard-working, and by far, the most interactive Titan I have ever seen. He answers pretty much any questions fans send his way, and writes articles mid-season, reflecting on games and his performance. Frankly, he's just the kind of guy you want to succeed. He's everything as a person that Pacman Jones wasn't, and we love him for it.

Will he ascend to a full-time starting role? He nabbed time in the slot from Vincent Fuller last year, though I personally believe that Fuller is possibly the most consistent and underrated member of our defence, and Verner should only get better.

We tend to have a rookie cornerback we fall in love with every year. In the case of Cortland Finnegan, it turns out well. In the case of Reynaldo Hill, oopsie.

#14 DE Kyle Vanden Bosch (2005-2009)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: During the last few years, my favourite defensive players were no doubt uniform with most Titans fans. #1: Keith Bulluck. #2: KVB. In his first year as a Titan, he exploded onto the scene in a way few expected, notching 12.5 sacks and forming a powerful duo on the d-line with Albert Haynesworth.

Other than another 12-sack performance in '07, KVB never saw the kind of success he had in year one, but his presence was clear to anyone. The dude just flat-out balled, constantly. He became known for his impressive motor, and seemed to always give 110% on any down. He allowed fat Al to dominate in the middle, and vice versa. It was a happy time, until Haynesworth gobbled up a contract as big as his belly, and KVB later sailed off to Detroit.

Me personally, I wouldn't ever want to be a Detroit Lion. A decade of futility in the most dangerous city in America? Why do you think Barry Sanders was so good at running away from people?

#13 CB Cortland Finnegan (2006-2011)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Some call him dirty. Others call him feisty. We're just glad to call him ours.

The product of small school Samford and a seventh-round pick, Finnegan brings intensity and tenacity on every play. Like many fans, I generally prefer a thumper to a finesse guy (see: George > Johnson), so Finnegan's play style is right up my alley. Teams hate playing against him, and in his career, he's quickly ascended to the league's top defensive backs, albeit with a year or two of setbacks.

Is he dirty? Oh yeah, probably. Does he get burned sometimes, targeted for his attitude, and flagged for dumb penalties? You know it. But does he bring everything he's got on every down, causing frustration and vexation for his opponent? Hell yes.

And frankly, if Finnegan needs to be a jerk on the field in order to maintain his high level of play, then I definitely say he should keep it up. We've seen enough players come and go who lack attitude, Finnegan is a breath of fresh air who might never change, and probably shouldn't.

Plus, off the field, he's another anti-Pacman. Always a winning quality!

#12 G Benji Olson (1998-2007)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Yet another longtime, solid starter for the Titans during their Super Bowl era. It's amazing how many guys they had on that team who had either been around for ages, or would be around for ages.

In today's age of free agency, players jump ship more often than a pirate on a pogo stick, but back then, the Tennessee Titans stuck together.

Anyhow, it's difficult to keep tabs of offensive linemen over the years when you hardly get to see any games (two Raiders games a year is a certainty in Australia, but beyond that, any other team is a crap shoot), but dude, Olson was my boy in Madden, opening up those holes for Chris Brown. Most of my big runs were off to the right, I owe my YPC average to the hard work of the digital Olson. Good on him.

#11 P Craig Hentrich (1998-2009)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: In the turmoil that has been my fandom over the last nine years, there was always one constant. And really, I can't think of a more appropriate way to cap off my list of favourite Titans than with Craig Hentrich, who up until last season, went into each season locked in as our punter.

As the faces around him changed, Hentrich just kept coming into work and doing his job. And he did his job well, hence sticking around with the Titans for a very long time. Meanwhile, Green Bay have struggled to replace him ever since they cut him all those years ago.

It's unfortunate how being a punter basically encapsulates the failure of your team. He's like a bright pink inflatable life jacket. You're embarrassed that you have to rely on him, but he's there to save your life when you would have otherwise drowned. So unless your name is Brian Moorman, people aren't usually happy to see you take the field.

I've already expressed my discontent for the apathy directed towards punters, but I love 'em. I would have been happy to wear a Craig Hentrich jersey, if it didn't suggest feelings of futility about the rest of the roster.

I'm immensely happy that Hentrich was able to take home a Super Bowl ring (back with the Pack), and I was sad to see him go, but Brett Kern has picked up the slack, and I look forward to a decade of service with him. And possibly some fake plays by A.J. Trapasso in the preseason. Seriously, that was awesome.

#10 SS Blaine Bishop (1993-2001)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2013:Yeah baby, here's the big man! The more impactful member of the stellar safety duo he made up with Robertson (above. Obviously.), Bishop is still a fan favourite among most of the Titans loyal. And why wouldn't he be? He just absolutely smashed people's faces in, a man who was synonymous with the hard-hitting defence the Titans would be known for in their best years.

On a related note, Bernard Pollard reminds me of Bishop in many ways, and I love that. A true throwback to how defenders are supposed to play. The multiple flags Pollard gets for pithy calls are embarrassing, and I'm sure Blaine has yelled at his TV more than a few times, too. And then tackled it. Because that's what he did.

#9 CB Samari Rolle (1998-2004)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Accuse me of flip-flopping on my previous slander on finesse guys if you must, but the fact remains that Samari Rolle was probably the best Titans cornerback of all, and one of the top five, at least, in franchise history.

The dude was as close to a lock down corner as I've seen on this team; fast, athletic and smart. He was one half of the heartbreaking '05 offseason purge with Derrick Mason, and honestly, when the Ravens made a playoff push in 2006, I have to admit that I was hoping for them to win it all.

After all, if my Titans couldn't qualify for the post-season, why shouldn't I cheer for three of the most beloved pieces of my past in Rolle, Mason and Steve McNair? Especially when you consider the end result: a Colts victory in Super Bowl XLI.

Tragic ending, and Rolle's deteriorating health finally took him out of action after the 2009 season. To his credit, cornerback is definitely a young man's position, and he was able to play in a starting role for ten seasons, eleven years and 148 games in total.

It's certainly more games than I could have played, and I'm twelve years younger than him. Damn side more picks than I would have managed, as well, though I figure I could grab at least three if I was playing Rex Grossman. Just a thought.

#8 WR Derrick Mason (1997-2004)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Obviously. D-Mase was another guy who rose up the ranks, a fourth round return specialist who ended up surpassing first-rounder Kevin Dyson to become the Titans' best receiver.

This one is a lot harder to swallow than others, because while some others on the list (McNair, George, Bennett, etc.) had seen their best years with the Titans before their careers came to an end elsewhere, Mason has been a Raven for six seasons, and shows few signs of slowing down.

All the things that made Mason a good return guy (quickness, elusiveness, field vision) have made him an excellent receiver, and moreover, have allowed him to have a prolonged career.

When him and Samari Rolle jumped ship to the Ravens, I was in dismay. And frankly, that dismay has not at all dissipated in relation to Mason, because he's been gone for so long, so entrenched in Baltimore, and had so many episodes while playing Tennessee that he's really not a Titan anymore.

But he was. I still wish him all the best while simultaneously wishing bad fortune upon the Ravens. Would I like to see him win a championship? Sure, just as long as it isn't with the Ravens, Colts, Jaguars, Texans or Steelers. That's plenty of options, D-Mase. It's an excellent deal!

#7 DE Jevon Kearse (1999-2003, 2008-2009)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: There are two stages of Jevon Kearse. The first is 'The Freak', the athletically gifted super talent who bullied offenses right from the get-go, collecting an NFL record 14.5 sacks for a rookie. Then there's the other Kearse, the oft-injured player who would disappear for spurts at a time and was a liability in the run game.

Essentially, these Kearses can be divided as the original '99 version, and the later model, whose play took a tailspin somewhere around 2006. For this reason, a great many, and I myself at one point, would probably have given serious consideration for KVB as #1 Titans defensive end. After all, KVB was less physically blessed, instead relying on tenacity to get to the QB. He had much more heart and soul than Kearse, or a great many other players to have come and gone.

But The Freak? The guy who averaged 12 sacks across his first three seasons? He was something else, man. KVB may have been one of the best defensive ends of the last nine years in Tennessee, but Kearse in his prime, in his short, intense span of glory, he looked like one of the best of all time.

Even though he was over the hill in '08, I was glad to have him back on board for that short period. It felt right, and I celebrated each sack he collected back in Titans blue. The way his career tailed off wasn't right, but finishing it off with the franchise where he once dominated, that did feel right.

There are many other defensive ends out there who have produced Kearse-like numbers for longer; why, look no further than division rival Dwight Freeney, a thorn in our side for nine seasons who has gathered 94 sacks.

...But you ask me, which end do I choose for the championship game? I'll take Kearse in his prime for damn sure, and watch him wreak havoc.

#6 T Brad Hopkins (1993-2005)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Haha, sometimes I'm so predictable. A first-round pick from '93, Hopkins remained a stalwart on the offensive line for over a decade. He never got a lot of fanfare, not even as much as Roos has gotten, but I don't think it's as much a reflection on his ability as simply a surplus of talented tackles from his generation. Guys like Jonathan Ogden and Walter Jones spring to mind.

Hopkins was one of the last pieces of the Houston Oiler franchise in Tennessee, and I'm happy to have seen him retire right here, where he belonged. Though others may have moved on elsewhere, the one with the longest tenure at the time was able to complete his career as a Titan. Just like Mike Munchak. Just like Bruce Matthews. Just like an Oilers lineman should.

#5 WR Drew Bennett (2001-2006)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Oh Drew. He was THE MAN.

I loved the one-two punch of Mason and Bennett. Perhaps it's a starry-eyed adoration for the Titans of old, but Bennett will solidly, stubbornly hold onto #2 on my list for quite some time. I mean, Britt could potentially threaten with a monster season (as could my boy Lavelle!), but Bennett was there during our glory years, doing his bit.

And of course, who can forget 2004? During a horrible year followed by a horrible off-season, Billy Volek and Drew Bennett appeared to be the only two guys who still cared. Bennett's 80 catches, 1,247 yards and 11 TDs were the kind of numbers you'd expect form the league's very best, plus tying an NFL record with 8 TDs in 3 games.

Afterwards, Bennett never seemed to recapture that glory, having risen to the top spot. Whether he was ill-suited to the #1 receiver spot, or he suffered from the unfortunate fate of playing across from a trio of rookies, making him targeted by defences, it wasn't the same.

He played two years for the Rams, shortened by injury, and then signed with the Ravens before deciding to pack it all in.

But Bennett's rise could be called grand considering where he started. Undrafted out of UCLA, Bennett actually had to cheat a little to get noticed. He would cut in line during drills as a rookie, so that he would go up against the top defenders on the depth chart instead of the scrubs at the bottom. I mean, jeez, how inspiring is that? That he put it all on the line by bending the rules, just to make a roster spot, and it led to a pinnacle of tying an NFL record?

#4 OLB Keith Bulluck (2000-2009)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Well, shucks. Don't that just give you a shock? K-Bull claims consecutive awards for being not only my top Titans linebacker, but through years of loyal, productive service, he earns claim as my favourite Titans defender, to boot.

In overall rankings, he's somewhere behind McNair and George in the murky bronze medal competition. Because clearly, he was simply one of the Titans' finest defenders, a stalwart at linebacker and a leader on defence.

When Cortland Finnegan was jawing off, it was Bulluck who smacked him in the helmet and got him back into focus. When the Titans were suffering a heart-breaking, gut-wrenching 0-59 loss to New England, it was Bulluck who was the only one still giving a damn. When the Titans appeared in primetime on Monday Night Football in New Orleans, it was Bulluck who snatched three interceptions to earn the nickname 'Mr. Monday Night' (though I don't think that one ever stuck).

Actually, one of the things I found most shocking while doing all this was finding out that, for all of Bulluck's interceptions, he's only ever returned one for a touchdown. And funnily enough, it was only from eight yards out against the Cowboys in his rookie season. Ancient history.

Anyhow, while some of my other favourite players will disappear into the annals of history as time goes by, Bulluck's reputation as one of the Titans' best ever defenders should remain solidly for years to come. He deserved more accolades than he ever got, a victim of a small-market team, but he just went out and performed, consistently, for a decade.

For that, we salute you, Bulluck, and shall always recall with fondness your energy, your heart, and your pimpin' red gloves.

#3 OL Bruce Matthews (1983-2001)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2013: Well, obviously!! Bruce Matthews is known to many as the best Tennessee Titan of all time, one of the finest to grace the franchise dating back to their years in Houston and, according to NFL.com in 2010, the 78th greatest football player of all time. A transcendent stalwart, Matthews was there when Warren Moon was operating the run and gun, and he was there when Steve McNair and Eddie George brought this franchise as close as it's ever gotten to a championship.

Bruce was consistently amazing, and amazingly consistent, an iron man on the o-line who excelled at any position. Bruce was not only the clear-cut #1 at guard, but head and shoulders above Mawae at centre - and maybe, just maybe, could push my man Hoppy at tackle.

#2 RB Eddie George (1996-2003)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: Inspirational. That's how I'll describe Eddie George's tenure with the Titans. Not because of overcome adversity or outright freaky talent. But because of the kind of man he was and the kind of effort he put out there.

When I think of McNair highlights, I feel euphoric. Eddie George highlights however, they get me fired up, even after all these years. George punished defenders, just absolutely nailed them, and if someone felt froggy before the game, all it took was a few bruising runs by George to change their tune.

Not only was it hard to tackle George to the ground, but frankly, after he had plowed through you a few times, you really wouldn't want to. Broken tackles, broken arms, broken spirits, he did them all. And for all the damage he did to opposing psyches, he was just as effective in rallying his own team.

He was the perfect complement to McNair; while the QB was quiet and stoic, George knew how to get his team pumped. The fact that they both threw their bodies on the line and played their hearts out made you just as likely to follow either of their leads, but like I said, thinking of Eddie George runs, it still makes me pumped up, despite never having been there, never having met him, or never having played a damned down in the NFL.

Frankly, I wish he was still on the roster. If Tiki Barber can mount a comeback, then Eddie certainly can too. I don't care what the capacity is; short yardage, pass protection, redzone offence, just get Eddie in the game, on the field, and over opponents. Apparently he's still in magnificent shape, and who wouldn't want to watch him slam Ray Lewis into the turf, then get all up in his face (and do it all with a separated shoulder) just one more time?

Fingers crossed that Eddie sees all of the other old Oilers joining Tennessee's staff and at least makes the jump to coaching. Eddie on the sideline with Bruce Matthews, running onto the field after a Super Bowl win? Oh good lord, it excites me even more than thinking of any of our players celebrating.

On a final note, Eddie's wife is Tamara Johnson-George, formerly of SWV. I loves me some SWV; Weak is the third-most played song on my iPod, listened to 136 times (and counting!)

#1 QB Steve McNair (1995-2005)

Original Tony's Titan entry, 2011: No matter what the competition is, McNair is my #1 guy. Favourite QB? Favourite Titan? Favourite football player of all time? The winner is always McNair.

In the same way that seeing Warren Sapp dominate en route to the Super Bowl in '02 made me a football fan, watching Steve McNair play made me a Titans fan. In the early days I had leaned towards the Raiders or the Bears, but Mac9 ushered me into Tennessee fandom, and every quarterback who has come since or is yet to come will always have to live up not only to McNair's performance, but to his qualities.

Whether he had a chunk of flesh hanging from his thumb, or defenders draped over him on every snap, McNair would play on. He was a true throwback to QBs of old; men of true grit and bravery who would put their bodies on the line to claim a victory. I don't doubt that, had football still been a two-way game, McNair would have been more than happy to line up on defence or kick field goals as well.

He was a man of quiet confidence, and it was beautiful: a good old country boy who worked his ass off to get to where he was, and never lost the things that made him who he was. He was a genuine man, the kind who you'd want to win for, but who would more often than not end up winning for you.

Someday I hope to track down all of the McNair seasons that I missed. There's seven years of gametime that I wasn't privy to, and of the few games I've seen from those days, it's clear to me: I want to see more. I have to see more.

He never won a Super Bowl. His statistics are robust, but not stellar. As time goes by, his intangibles: the way he put the team on his shoulders, fought for everything through any injury, and snatched victory from the jaws of defeat... Will they be remembered? Or will he become merely a memory of his stats: 3x Pro Bowler, 1x All-Pro, 1x Co-MVP?

Though these are good things, these are not the things that made up Steve McNair. The way he would shed tacklers to complete a first down pass, how he would shrug off a seemingly devastating injury to return to action, and how he would let his actions speak louder than his words... These were the things that made Steve McNair the football player that he was.

Tony's Titans 2014/15: Misery and Woe

An interesting thought: in the twelve seasons that I've been watching the NFL prior to this one, the Titans had a win record of 99-93. With numbers like that, you'd realise that I've been backing a pretty mediocre franchise, at best.

And that's fine, I'm used to it. I got onboard this bandwagon right at the end of its apex, and have been watching a decade-long rebuild ever since. What's not okay, however, is the state of the current Tennessee Titans. I don't like them. I don't like them at all. And to think, I forked out money for LeaguePass this year to watch all of the games live. Honestly, I didn't get my money's worth, and if I were a lesser man, I'd demand a refund. Observe how I'm making this post with three games left on the schedule. Observe also how if the Titans won two of those games, they would double their win total.

They suck. Shut it down. Trim the fat. Gut this franchise from the top down, I'm tired of watching real football teams become relevant while the best I can hope for is .500 ball and playoff hopes last until week 12.

Quarterback
#3 Vince Young (2006-2010)
#2 Matt Hasselbeck (2011-2012)
#1 Steve McNair (1995-2005)
Poor old Jake Locker. After the promise he showed at the beginning of last season, this was the year it all went bust. One last injury was enough for them to give up, and his only appearances since have been as an emergency backup, and boy, has he looked terrible in that role. I wish him nothing but the best for his next stop: he's an awesome dude, and hopefully he can repair his career with a better team. People have since waved Zach Mettenberger's accomplishments about as though he's a viable replacement, but I've been unimpressed. His first games saw too many check-downs for no gain, and his last few were ensured strip fumbles and pick sixes. I'm tired of settling for 'maybe okay' at QB. Draft Mariota, make us feel beautiful. So... yeah. This group of QBs doesn't look like they're going anywhere for a while. Steve because he was a juggernaut and leader. Hass because he was reliable and safe. Vince because he was exciting and found a way to win. None of these qualities lurk on the horizon for Tennessee.

Running Back
#3 Chris Johnson (2008-2013)
#2 Chris Brown (2003-2007)
#1 Eddie George (1996-2003)
It sure would be nice for Bishop Sankey to bump CJ from the rankings, but that would simply be foolishness. The Titans, as a team, have amassed 1,121 rushing yards through thirteen games this season. Johnson, during his brief but brilliant peak, would have surpassed that himself weeks ago. Don't get me wrong, Bishop has looked good, but has been lost in the running back shuffle and hasn't had much success to write home about. Still have faith in him. So CJ keeps his golden teeth sunken into the three-slot, CB continues to bewilder all who see him at #2 (himself included, perhaps), while Eddie George runs through the rankings as though they were would-be tacklers. Please, Tennessee, just re-sign Eddie and put him on the field. He's still built like a tank.

Fullback
#1 Ahmard Hall (2006-2011)
I already went into detail with choosing Ahmard over Lo-Neal last year, so there's no need to elaborate. If you're interested in a more robust set of rankings, however, it may interest you to know that Jackie Battle is likely the #3 guy in my list of fullbacks. I haven't given it much thought, really, but maybe he lands on the Tony's Titans practice squad? I might actually make one up someday...

Wide Receiver
#5 Tyrone Calico (2003-2005)
#4 Kendall Wright (2012-present)
#3 Nate Washington (2009-present)
#2 Derrick Mason (1997-2004)
#1 Drew Bennett (2001-2006)
Justin Hunter was banging on Tyrone Calico's door last year, demanding entry into the Tony's Titans wide receiver rankings. And alas, by the looks of things, it has done severe damage to his hands, because he wasn't able to catch a damn thing this season. Tyrone simply peered out the window, blowing kisses, and knowing that he's safe for another day. Frankly, Tyrone could have been a key member of the Titans, had Roy Williams not disassembled his legs like Murphy in RoboCop 2. Kendall Wright has had moments of glory during 2014, but Delanie Walker has been the only Titan you could consistently trust on offense. He slumps in at #4. Nate has been more quiet than a monk in 2014, but much like Kendall, he's had a revolving door of QBs, and he's at least been a locker room leader. I will be happy to see Nate with another team next year. Not because I don't want him on our team, but because I want to see him play for a team that's actually good. Meanwhile, Derrick Mason and Drew Bennett continue the slap fight for the gold medal, D-Mase still shellshocked that he got demoted last offseason. Drew continues to hold strong. Will Mason ever take back the title? I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Tight End
#2 Erron Kinney (2000-2006)
#1 Frank Wycheck (1995-2003)
The reliable duo lives on, undeterred. As I mentioned previously, Delanie Walker has been the ringmaster among a circus filled with clowns this year, but that's not enough for him to make an appearance at this point. Titans aficionados may be horrified to know how far down the totem pole he actually resides, behind Wycheck, Kinney, Jared Cook, Alge Crumpler and the talented but clueless Ben Troupe. Don't worry, though, for he's ahead of Bo Scaife, so it's not like I've gone entirely mental here. In all honesty, even Shad Meier is ahead of Bo Scaife, and that's certainly saying something.

Tackle
#4 Jon Runyan (1996-1999)
#3 David Stewart (2005-2013)
#2 Michael Roos (2005-present)
#1 Brad Hopkins (1993-2005)
Depending on how you look at it, it's either a very sad or very exciting time to be following the Titans offensive line going forward. Very sad, because stalwart Michael Roos' time has just about come to an end. Very exciting, however, because Taylor Lewan looks like the real deal. It's just a shame that Michael Oher was such a flop on the other side, because I have no idea who you bookend across from him. Maybe David Stewart, who's still without a team? Meh, neither here nor there. More rankings with nothing to report. Runyan could be in jeopardy if Lewan performs next season, but the combined nineteen seasons of service between Stewart and Roos means he'll have a long wait before rising any higher. As for Hoppy? Man, he's in my Titans hall of fame, he's not being budged. Perhaps that's another thing I'll create, if I could be bothered.

Guard
#4 Jacob Bell (2004-2007)
#3 Jake Scott (2008-2011)
#2 Benji Olson (1998-2007)
#1 Bruce Matthews (1983-2001)
A list of guys that will always be Bruce Matthews and whoever else is playing for second. There probably won't be another Bruce on the Titans within my lifetime, though I'm still hopeful that Jake will sign with Tennessee and continue the legacy. Some of the others aren't quite so safe. Bell and Scott were great for a short period of time, but the brevity of their stay could jeopardise their position at some point down the track. As for Benji? Ha! Don't make me laugh. The only reason he isn't a runaway winner is because of Bruce. Unless I opened these rankings up to include Oilers history, he's probably never slipping down, either. So get used to it!

Center
#2 Kevin Matthews (2010-2012, 2013)
#1 Kevin Mawae (2006-2009)
Did you really think the 2014 efforts of Brian Schwenke were enough to bump Kevin Matthews? You silly fool! If anything, he's just slithered down towards mediocrity. After all, my dream rankings for Tony's Titans would have had a starting lineup of Matthews at center, with his dad and his brother bookending him at guard. Alas, it's not to be. For what it's worth, Mawae may have been one of my favourite Titans had he played there during their glory years: he was an anchor, and he looks kind of like David Zayas. That's more than I could say for myself, after all.

Defensive End
#4 Kenny Holmes
1997-2000

Titans Career
21.5 sacks, 2 interceptions (17 yards)

All-Time Career
127* combined tackles, 38.5 sacks, 3 forced fumbles, 3 deflections, 2 interceptions (17 yards)

*Tackles since 2001

It was really just a matter of time until I got sick of seeing Jason Babin so smugly sitting there at fourth before I was going to do something about it. It's just remarkable that it took me this long. Kenny Holmes, to me, will always be the 'other guy' across from Jevon Kearse during the golden years, but to dismiss him as just that would obviously be besmirching the man. The fact is, he was part of some of Tennessee's great defences in the past. His career lasted seven years, but it seemed to me as though it burnt out before he could reach his full potential. He was great in Tennessee, pretty good in New York, and then - poof! Gone. Keep in mind, I've worked at my job for seven years now and it's felt like an eternity, but it's a mere blip on the radar when compared to this next guy...

#3 Kevin Carter

2001-2004

Titans Career
175 combined tackles, 23.5 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, 7 deflections

All-Time Career
364* combined tackles, 104.5 sacks, 5 forced fumbles, 2 safeties, 14 deflections


*Tackles since 2001

Yep, there he is. No doubt, if you've been following these rankings over the last few years, you might have been wondering why Kevin Carter isn't featured, particularly considering the only guys he'd have to leapfrog are Babin and Travis LaBoy. And in all honesty, I'm not too sure of the reason why. After all, he was there in those last few gasps of glory, but for some reason, I most strongly associate him with two bad things: the defeat to the Rams in Super Bowl XXXIV, and the lacklustre 2004 campaign. It's not his fault, but he appeared in some yoga-related piece that season, and it's stuck with me for a decade now. Anyway. With him and Kenny Holmes now residing in the rankings (and Robaire Smith claiming a conservative #5, now that I've stopped forgetting he existed), we can finally rest easy, knowing that the defensive end rankings are credible, at last.

#2 Kyle Vanden Bosch (2005-2009)
#1 Jevon Kearse (1999-2003, 2008-2009)

Defensive Tackle
#3 Jurrell Casey (2011-present)
#2 Albert Haynesworth (2002-2008)
#1 Tony Brown (2006-2010)
Copy and paste last year's summary, and you'll get an accurate description of the ongoing tragedy of Jurrell Casey. If you were to list all of the 'must-have' prospects on the Titans' defence this year, it would begin and end with Casey. Indeed, I could only think of about four or five players overall who would qualify. And as such, he can't seem to navigate around the planetary presence of Albert Haynesworth. Also, if you're still curious as to why Haynesworth, who at one point was the most dominant DT in all of football, ranks behind Tony Brown, an obscure journeyman who has long since been forgotten by most, the reason is simple: I sat there, waiting for the development of Haynesworth for years. I stuck by him while he was stomping on heads and getting suspended, and when at long last he played up to his potential, it was only for two seasons. Two. One franchise tagged year, one contract year. Then he bailed out to gobble up Washington's salary cap. In comparison, Brown was solid during his entire tenure, and was a handy piece to have. That trumps those two seasons in my book.

Outside Linebacker
#4 Akeem Ayers (2011-2014)
#3 Peter Sirmon (2000-2006)
#2 David Thornton (2006-2010)
#1 Keith Bulluck (2000-2009)

UGH. Akeem Ayers has gone from a promising prospect to a stain on these rankings this season. Not through any fault of his own, mind you, but because he's a reminder of how stupidly this season went. Shipped to New England for a song, he has given the Patriots 16 tackles, 3 sacks and an interception through six games. 327 snaps out of a possible 418 (78.2%) and, per Mike Reiss of ESPN "generally solid play against the run". Does that sound like the kind of guy you should trade for a sixth round pick? What an indictment on the current state of the Titans, particularly when the front office has claimed that the team's issues aren't due to the system. Plug an under-performer into a different system, and voila! He's a cog in a well-oiled machine. You boneheads. You absolute boneheads. Anyway, positions 1 through 3 are reserved for people who played for the real Tennessee Titans. Please move along.

Inside Linebacker
#3 Avery Williamson

2014-present

All-Time Career*
67 combined tackles, 3 sacks, 4 deflections



*Season in progress

In honour of the 'fantastic' move to the 3-4, I've beefed up these rankings to include three inside backers. To me, for the record, they will always be known as middle linebackers, but that's neither here nor there. Anyway, meet Colin McCarthy 2.0, aka the flavour of the month on defense. Avery has been one of the few performers on the dreadful 2014 D, and hopefully will be a good piece for us to rebuild with. Whether it's as a member of a linebacking corp that features two former defensive ends and the disappointment that has been Wesley Woodyard, or as part of an actual defensive scheme remains to be seen. We all know, though, that he won't be standing next to Akeem Ayers (unless they trade Williamson, too).

#2 Randall Godfrey

2000-2002

Titans Career
109* combined tackles, 2 sacks, 1 forced fumble, 3 deflections, 3 interceptions (30 yards, 1 TD)

All-Time Career
413* combined tackles, 17 sacks, 10 forced fumbles, 2 safeties, 15 deflections, 6 interceptions (47 yards, 1 TD)


*Tackles since 2001

Because watching this year's team has reminded me how much I miss a guy like Randall Godfrey. He only played in Tennessee for three years (16 games in year one, 14 in the next, 8 in an injury-riddled finale), but he made his presence felt, tackling fools like a madman. Honestly, Godfrey may have been the closest the Titans have had to a prototypical mike backer in their entire history. He was consistent, heady, and BALD. For we all know that baldness is what makes linebackers so aerodynamic. I'm happy to finally have him here in the rankings, another member of the Titans' past who really should have been here long ago.

#1 Stephen Tulloch (2006-2010)

Cornerback
#5 Jason McCourty (2009-present)
#4 Andre Dyson (2001-2004)
#3 Alterraun Verner (2010-2013)
#2 Cortland Finnegan (2006-2011)
#1 Samari Rolle (1998-2004)
If you think I was annoyed by the Ayers trade, you can't possibly fathom how angry I am about the offseason departure of his UCLA teammate. Alterraun Verner was everything you wanted from an NFL player. He was hard-working, talented, and a fantastic man. They let him walk, leaving the second corner spot manned by the likes of Blidi (Magnum P.I.) Wreh-Wilson and Coty Sensabaugh. As a result, the Titans have been butchered on every ball that hasn't been thrown McCourty's way, and even when he is targeted, he seems to have lost a lot of the consistency he had last year. As such, he's taken a fall in the process of his ascension past Dyson. Verner... his presence at #3 feels like a tombstone to me. Someone taken from us too early, who I can only wonder what else he had to offer. The only person who's chuffed about the whole thing is Cortland Finnegan, whose silver is finally safe. Samari Rolle scoffs at such immaturity, while making an ill-advised throat slashing gesture.

Free Safety
#2 Vincent Fuller (2005-2010)
#1 Marcus Robertson (1991-2000)

Strong Safety
#2 Chris Hope (2006-2011)
#1 Blaine Bishop (1993-2001)

Kicker
#1 Rob Bironas (2005-2013)
Rest in peace, Mr. Bironas.

Punter
#1 Craig Hentrich (1998-2009)

Head Coach
#1 Jeff Fisher (1994-2010)
For the record, I was a fan of the Ken Whisenhunt signing at first. I loved him as the head coach in Arizona, and I had heard great things about his impact in San Diego. He has quickly worn out his welcome, however. Perhaps I should jump on the BBM bandwagon? (Bring Back Munch, or Big Booty Mafia, if you're so inclined).

Favourite Game
Steelers 14, Titans 31 (December 21, 2008)

Tony's Year
2006 (23 Tony's Titans)
Fancy that! 2006 may have dipped in numbers from last season, but is still the high mark. 2009 claims sole ownership of second place (21), while 2007 and 2008 share third-team honours (20 apiece). Honestly, I would love for there to be some way of quantifying which season actually had my absolute favourite players. ...Stay tuned...

Tony's NFL playoffs...

When you're sad, drunk and alone, you have a lot of time to think of trivial things. When you're me, you're at least two of these things almost all of the time, so I have a lot of stuff to share with you. Tonight, I thought I'd present to you my ideal NFL playoff picture. Good fun! Let's take a look-see...

AFC West champions - the Oakland Raiders (3rd)
Once upon a time, the Oakland Raiders were shaping up to be my favourite football team. This was during their Super Bowl run of 2002, but fortunately I switched allegiances before it was too late. Despite this, I have no particular affinity for the rest of the AFC West, so the Raiders qualify for playoff contention by proxy. Besides, I do love to see those Oakland fans in all of their rabid insanity.

AFC North champions - the Cincinnati Bengals (4th)
Quite the easy choice. I like the Bengals, and I despise the Steelers and Ravens. Who else could have possibly emerged as champions of the north? During the Titans' period of ineptitude, the Bengals are frequently a team that I could get behind as winning the Super Bowl. They suffered for years, and now they're finally good, so watch out.

AFC East champions - the Buffalo Bills (2nd)
Surprised? You'd think that, as a jilted Toronto fan, I'd be quite against the Bills, but I'm really not. Because they feature, in my opinion, the most unfortunate fans in the NFL. Four consecutive Super Bowl defeats was the good time to be a Bills fan? Compared to a playoff drought that spans back to the Music City Miracle in 2000, yep it was. Keep on keepin' on, Bills fans.

AFC South champions - the Tennessee Titans (1st)
Umm, obviously? The Tennessee Titans have been my favourite NFL team for almost all of my tenure as a fan, save for brief sojourns with Oakland and Chicago. And though today's franchise has absolutely nothing on the glory years of the early 2000s (more on that soon), I remain a bitter, twisted Titans supporter. Somebody's got to do it, I guess.

AFC Wild Card - the Cleveland Browns (5th)
I don't have much actual love for the Cleveland Browns, a simple curiosity to me in the scheme of the NFL, but those Cleveland fans have been through hell: your beloved team relocates, leaving you without a franchise for years, and that team then goes on to win a title? Ouch! Coupled with the mediocrity of the modern-day Browns, I think they've earned this.

AFC Wild Card - the Miami Dolphins (6th)
Most of the teams I like reside in the NFC, so Miami really just got this far by virtue of the fact that I detest so many teams. To be fair, I've liked several Dolphins: Jason Taylor, Patrick Surtain, Cameron Wake, Randy Starks... But what have they done for me lately? I don't know. Still, it's enough to land them the last playoff seed in the AFC.

NFC West champions - the Seattle Seahawks (3rd)
Gotta love Vancouver's neighbours to the south. I have to admit, I marked out fairly hardcore when Seattle bested my old foe Peyton in last year's championship game, and they're headed back into the playoffs in my fictional world. If only Matt Hasselbeck wasn't a backup in Indianapolis, I'd love to have taken him along for the ride.

NFC North champions - the Green Bay Packers (4th)
Gadzooks! A betrayal to my former suitors, the Chicago Bears? This is indeed the case, because there is very, very little I enjoy about the current Bears. Brian Urlacher is retired, Jay Cutler is the starting QB, and though I like Marc Trestman, their dismissal of Lovie Smith was unjust. Instead, the nod goes to the little franchise that could: the home of Aaron freakin' Rodgers.

NFC East champions - the New York Giants (1st)
As a Canadian sports fan, I typically deride New York-based franchises. The Knicks are rivals to the Raptors, the Rangers and Islanders both dealt the Canucks brutal Stanley Cup defeats, and the New York Yankees are... well, the New York Yankees. Fortunately, I have no such allegiances in the NFL, so I can honour my love for New York City by gifting the Giants the #1 seed.

NFC South champions - the New Orleans Saints (2nd)
Fresh off the heels of my New York love affair comes another crazy little place I'm quite fond of in New Orleans. In their case, not only do I like several players (see: Drew Brees), but the Saints mean more to New Orleans than any other team means to a city. The Saints represented a beacon of hope during their dire times, and they arise as NFC South champions.

NFC Wild Card - the Arizona Cardinals (5th)
Here's where things get tricky: the NFC is loaded with teams I like. So figuring out who's going to squeak into the playoffs is a bit of an undertaking. To start us off, I've long been keen on the Cardinals, primarily because they were so dismal, and because I had a toy helmet from some unknown origin. They became darlings during their unlikely playoff run in 2009, can they do it again?

NFC Wild Card - the Detroit Lions (6th)
Full disclosure: I like the Washington football team. I liked them during the Clinton Portis years, I like that Mark Rypien was a Super Bowl MVP in their uniform. I am normally a Washington fan. But while they hold their current moniker, I'm banning them from my playoffs. So Detroit, another unlikely set of heroes, snatch away the 6 seed. And I'm not too sad about that, they deserve it.

Wild Card Weekend
Cleveland (5) @ Cincinnati (4)
Our playoffs get started with two division rivals squaring off. Cleveland haven't been to the playoffs since 2002, and their inexperience gets the best of them. The Bengals win in convincing fashion, with AJ Green singlehandedly dismantling the Browns D.
Winner: Cincinnati

Miami (6) @ Oakland (3)
The atmosphere is raucous in Oakland, California. The fans have been waiting for the Raiders to make their playoff return, and the stadium is awash with black and silver. Hordes of mentally unstable, burly men, shrieking at the camera as it sweeps by. Alas, so too do their hopes and dreams, as Miami takes them out with a late pick six by Cameron Wake.
Winner: Miami

Arizona (5) @ Green Bay (4)
The duel is on: Aaron Rodgers vs. Carson Palmer, who has inexplicably returned from IR because I, as lord of this fictional universe, have pulled the old schoolyard 'pretend that didn't happen' on his torn ACL. With a bevy of touchdowns, it's only fitting that Larry Fitzgerald's final dagger leads the Cards to victory.
Winner: Arizona

Detroit (6) @ Seattle (3)
This one ought to be a hard read: the feisty Lions vs. the surging Seahawks? All doubt is cast aside as Russell Wilson is able to move the ball down the field methodically, stringing together drive after drive that leads to points. Matthew Stafford and Calvin Johnson answer back consistently, but in the end, they run out of time.
Winner: Seattle

Divisional Round
Miami (6) @ Tennessee (1)
There's a nervous energy in the air at LP Field for this game. The last time the Titans had the NFL's best record, they flamed out in a shocking loss to the Ravens that they haven't recovered from. This time, things are different. Jake Locker has his struggles against the Miami pass rush (Cameron Wake returns as a menace!), but somehow, the Titans emerge as victors.
Winner: Tennessee

Cincinnati (4) @ Buffalo (2)
Meanwhile, the atmosphere at the Ralph is uproarious. Long-suffering Bills backers can't contain their enthusiasm, and more than a few fans take the field as their team has finally ended the drought. And EJ Manuel indeed gives them the faith that they will be able to make it to the next round, leading them to a 1-point lead with only 16 seconds left on the clock. Then, the kickoff happens...
Winner: Cincinnati

Arizona (5) @ New York (1)
The New York Giants are shells of their former selves with their depleted roster, yet with a lot of luck and more than a few dubious calls, they've led the ultra-competitive NFC up to this point. How will they overcome the fiery Cardinals as they come to town? Who knows! But somehow, inexplicably, they pick their spots and come away with the W. The mystery lives on!
Winner: New York

Seattle (3) @ New Orleans (2)
Do you remember the Beast Quake game of January 2011? When the 7-9 Seahawks took out the heavily favoured 11-5 Saints, highlighted by a seismic run by Marshawn Lynch? At last, the Saints are poised to take their revenge, in their dome, against a team that probably didn't deserve the playoff berth of years ago. ...But what's this? Marshawn takes the ball and runs it down their throat for the WIN!
Winner: Seattle

Conference Championships
Cincinnati (4) @ Tennessee (1)
To say that this is a brawl would be an understatement: it would take everything for the Titans' understaffed secondary to be able to contain the offensive threat that Cincinnati yields. So then, after Jason McCourty duels valiantly with the Bengals' receivers into overtime, the unlikely hero becomes Avery Williamson, whose strip leads to a Locker scramble TD and end game.
Winner: Tennessee

Seattle (3) @ New York (1)
The mercurial Giants have found a way to win all season, while the Seahawks have constantly fought an uphill battle. Observe, for example, the fact that a 3-seed has had to duel through two road games en route to the championship. In this climactic skirmish, New York's magic runs dry, as a touchdown from Luke Willson seals the victory.
Winner: Seattle

Super Bowl XLIX
Tennessee (1) @ Seattle (3)
When the whole shebang reaches its climax, the betting line is fairly universal: the Seahawks, despite their early season struggles, should emerge from Toronto (the newly awarded site of the game after controversy in Glendale) as champions for the second straight season. However, there's an incredible energy being brewed by Titans' position coaches Bruce Matthews, Eddie George, Keith Bulluck and Drew Bennett (yep!) inspired by the memory of Steve McNair. The blows go back and forth, and it isn't until Marshawn Lynch starts on one of his trademark unstoppable runs that the outcome seems clear. However, something curious happens during this particular gallop: safety Daimion Stafford dislodges the ball yards shy of the endzone, and who should pick it up but 300 pound DT, Jurrell Casey? Flinging would-be tacklers aside as though they were made of paper, Casey rumbles, bumbles and stumbles his way towards the Seattle goalline before finally being forced out of bounds. In the dying seconds, Locker hands the ball off to the fullback at the 1 yard line, a fullback who happens to be none other than Jurrell Casey. Touchdown. The Tennessee Titans are Super Bowl champions...! Surprised?

Rank 'em: Favourite Rosters

In my last post, I alluded to certain iterations of a team holding a special place in my heart. And so, I decided that I would rank where each single-season roster sat. First off, each franchise can only have one entrant: so you know that one version of the championship Jays are being excluded. Controversial!

#4: 2010-11 Vancouver Canucks
Special mentions: Ryan Kesler, Daniel Sedin, Henrik Sedin
It's funny, isn't it, how this team could have possibly contended for #1, but because of the way they flamed out in the end, they fall short of the podium. The roller coaster ride that was the Canucks' 10-11 season saw some dizzying highs, and frankly, we felt unstoppable. The Sedins. Kesler. Roberto Luongo in the net. We had all of the weapons firing, and had our fingers wrapped tightly around the throat of the NHL. What happened in the Stanley Cup Finals is a testament to the power of a matchup. To be fair, the Bruins clearly outplayed the Canucks in the series. Vancouver's three wins were 1-0, 3-2 in OT and 1-0. Their losses? Try 1-8, 0-4, 2-5 and an 0-4 dismantling in the decider. It was so bizarre, after they claimed the first two games, I thought they were destined for the championship. After game six, however, I knew that Boston had this one in the bag. The Canucks, quite simply, were bullied by the Boston Bruins. It was like a fight between a cruiserweight and the biggest, baddest heavyweight champion in town - the lighter guy gets in the first few jabs, but after the behemoth has figured them out, they deliver the killing blow. The result; one of the most disappointing endings to a season I've ever experienced, and a riot that made me fear for the safety of my cousin. So you'll have to excuse me, if you please, if I don't quite sing the praises of this team as loudly as I once did.

#3: 1999-00 Toronto Raptors
Special mentions: Vince Carter, Tracy McGrady, Muggsy Bogues
Yes, I'm well aware that the most successful season in Raptor history would not come until the following season, where Toronto qualified for the second round of the playoffs, duelled with Allen Iverson and the 76ers, and came one Vince Carter corner jumper away from glory. However, this is based on the roster, not necessarily on results. And to be fair, the '99 Raptors were the first time the young franchise would get to the playoffs, so they had their own achievements to be proud of. Ultimately, the reason I went with '99 is because of two of the guys I listed up top. McGrady could have (and should have) been one of the greatest players in Raptors history, and Muggsy Bogues is one of my favourite players of all time. Throw in Doug Christie for good measure, and they're my definitive Raptors roster. This is despite the fact that I loves me some Morris Peterson. Though it has to be said, this season's edition of the Raptors have certainly found a place in my heart, ranging from the high-flying antics of Terrence Ross to the bullish determination of Kyle Lowry... Stay tuned.

#2: 2003 Tennessee Titans
Special mentions: Steve McNair, Eddie George, Keith Bulluck
If you've been paying attention to my yearly Tony's Titans entries, you'd know that the '03 Titans' roster reads as a 'who's who' of the top spots in nearly every position. Mac, Eddie, Bulluck, Hentrich, Bennett... Not to mention the final season in Nashville for Jevon Kearse in his prime. Frankly, you could pick practically any Titans' roster from the early 2000s and I would love it. The '00 edition would almost, almost be the top dogs, with guys like Randall Godfrey, Blaine Bishop, Marcus Robertson and the immortal Bruce Matthews, but '03 was the year that McNair claimed co-MVP honours, Gary Anderson was the kicker, and Drew Bennett was on the roster. Simply put, I loved that season. It could have been everything, but like all of the rest, it ended in disappointment, and was the last season of joy before the darkness that was soon to come...

#1: 1993 Toronto Blue Jays
Special mentions: Joe Carter, Roberto Alomar, Rickey Henderson
Indeed, an anticlimactic end to this entry, by defaulting to one of the most dominant, glorious, and epic baseball teams of all time. You could flip a coin on whether I would have gone with the '92 or '93 Blue Jays, and either way, they would have held the top spot. But I didn't have the time to sift through the annals that thoroughly, so obviously my decision to opt for the second title had to come down to the minor differences present. Firstly, the major acquisitions: Paul Molitor, who had dreamed of winning the World Series all throughout his storied career, and won the Series' MVP title. They wanted to win it for him, and the image of him embracing Cito Gaston, the man who had made it all come true, is wonderful. Rickey Henderson, the lightning-fast baserunner that made our already great team even greater. Being able to pick up a piece for a championship run is something I don't ever really get to experience, so it was exciting to acquire one of the all-time greats. And finally, the finish. Joe Carter rounding the bases, leaping to the air like gravity was having an off day, winning the whole shebang in Toronto and becoming back to back champions. That is the true cream of sports fandom, right there. How I'd love to see it again someday...