Where is this blog going?

It's a curious thing; being the caretaker of a blog that nobody reads. Because whereas with other blogs, where your audience expects, and deserves, consistency and quality, here, I can basically blather on about any old thing.

Over on my other blog, INAKA, the focus is clear: toys. Getting rid of them, specifically. Here, the blog was more intended to be a journal of sorts, where I'd cover anything that took my fancy on a given day.

So, if you were to ask me what I intend on putting here in future, I would basically tell you, much of the same. I view this blog not so much a product of public consumption, but as more of a time capsule. Someday, maybe I or others would like to look back and see what I did one particular year, how I felt about a sport team or event at one time, and who I was. Like me, this blog ages, and I like having the knowledge that, should I choose to, I can reminisce.

In case you were pondering (what I'm pondering), Tony's top 20 video games ATM is suspended indefinitely. Not because I didn't like the concept, but because it's such an ever-shifting, ever-evolving topic. I know I addressed that, but all it takes is one playthrough of another game, old or new, to change my views. For example, Yoshi's Island wasn't in the top 20, but I revisited it recently, and really feel that it should be. If I were to recommence, it would be reformatted without ranking. Less pressure that way.

Expect more sport, whether you like it or not, because I intend to more actively follow my favourite teams. In case you were wondering (and I don't believe I ever made a definitive list), they are, in no particular order, the Tennessee Titans, Vancouver Canucks, Toronto Blue Jays, BC Lions, Toronto Raptors and the University of Hawai'i.

Plus, and sort of related, I'm undertaking a graduate diploma of commercial radio this year, so I may yet find a new medium to voice my many and often ignorant opinions. Maybe some stuff on that, but I rarely delve into the personal, so we'll see.

I'd like to maybe go more into my desire to see an NFL team in Toronto, and how it conflicts with my fandom for the CFL, and general admiration with the history and legacy of the Toronto Argonauts.

See, this is the thing. There's no commitment to anything, so I am unconcerned with what comes out. I think Atcho is my only reader, for that matter. Hello, Atcho!

Tony's Titans 2011/12 Edition

Well, another NFL season is in the books. I mean, officially speaking, it's still underway, with the playoffs about to unfold, but no matter what happens (short of realising some sort of seeding mistake), the Titans will not be present. And though there are some teams I'd much rather take home the Lombardi than others (the Saints or Lions, instead of the Ravens or Patriots, for example), I can't really say I have much of a vested interest in what happens from here on.

Until I get a situation like I've had the last two years, where I ecstatically revel in the Colts and Steelers getting put in their place. ...Which I'll probably have to hope happens again.

Anyhow, there's an off-season of roster shake-ups to be had, so I thought I'd see who appeased me enough in the 2011 season to have made the cut. There are seven new nominees from the year gone by, which is a pretty good number, but only a few will take their places in the echelons of Titandom!

Quarterback
#3 Matt Hasselbeck
2011-present

Titans Career
319-518 for 3,571 yards, 18 TDs, 14 Ints, 82.4 rating
20 rushes for 52 yards, 4 fumbles, 2.6 Avg

All-Time Career
2891-4797 for 33,150 yards, 194 TDs, 142 Ints, 82.2 rating
326 rushes for 1,191 yards, 8 TDs, 60 fumbles, 3.7 Avg

The very first name off the board already sees a shake-up. Whereas Kerry Collins made the cut for having one great Titans season, Matty Cool gets the Alge Crumpler treatment: I admired his work elsewhere, and I'm happy to see him in two-toned blue. It's not a fair decision, but it's not a fair world, baby cakes.

Hass' first season as a Titan was great at the start, and then tapered off to become fairly average once the team kind of fell into the 'okay' category, but he has still given us stability at the QB position that we have not seen since the departure of Steve McNair. He's a heady quarterback, a fiery leader, and can nail them right in there. Undoubtedly he would have had a better season had his top target, Kenny Britt, not bit the dust in week 3.

All these things and more should put him in the coveted two slot, because I currently fancy him a whole lot better than Vince Young, but I'm trying to do this fairly, and in my opinion, I liked VY better then than I like Hass now. Hopefully another season can shift this change, though the brief yet stellar appearances by Jake Locker have put Hass in the hot seat. Incidentally, yes, Jake has already also usurped K-Colls for the fourth spot. I'm a brutal man.

#2 Vince Young (2006-2010)
#1 Steve McNair (1995-2005)

Running Back
#3 Chris Brown (2003-2007)
#2 Chris Johnson (2008-present)
#1 Eddie George (1996-2003)

Fullback
#1 Ahmard Hall (2006-present)

Wide Receiver
#5 Nate Washington
2009-present

Titans Career
163 receptions for 2,279 yards, 19 TDs, 14.0 Avg
5 rushes for 12 yards, 1 TD, 2.4 Avg

All-Time Career
267 receptions for 3,984 yards, 31 TDs, 14.9 Avg
14 rushes for 38 yards, 1 TD, 0.4 Avg

Oh, hello Nate! It took you a little time, but you finally cracked the fab five. And it wasn't without hesitation on my end, either, because for two weeks after making this entry, Marc Mariani possessed the five slot. Yes, Marc Mariani with all of five career catches. Simply because he was a late-round pick who came out of nowhere, whereas Washington was signed to become a bonafide #1, and up until this last season, it didn't look like it was going to eventuate.

But the stats don't lie. This year, 74 catches, 1,023 yards and 7 TDs. That makes up for more than a quarter of his career catches, a quarter of his career yardage, and over 20% of his career touchdowns. A quarter of career production, out of a seven year career of quiet obscurity. Assuming my mathematics hold up, which they probably don't.

Also, he was a monster in the single game of Madden '12 I played this year, and that almost always assures inclusion in the depths of my heart.

#4 Tyrone Calico
2003-2005

All-Time Career
42 receptions for 501 yards, 4 TDs, 11.9 Avg

If last year's Randy Moss got you cock-eyed, surely this has you seeing red. My #4 receiver of the last ten years is a second round bust?

Yup. Don't blame me. Blame a decade's worth of crappy Titans receivers.

First off, let me get some things straight. One, yes, he was absolutely dynamite in Madden '05. He was an athletic freak, and a perfect complement in the slot to the duo of Mason/Bennett. Second, yes, he has a fantastic name. As aforementioned, I even named my Animal Crossing: Wild World town after him. And third, the reason he made the cut this year, despite not having played in Tennessee or anywhere else in the last six years, is because... well, shit. I just forgot about him in the last countdown. How else could you explain the inclusion of Roydell Williams?

Tyrone Calico had the athletic potential to be one of the game's premiere receivers, and I'm not exaggerating. Unfortunately, one fateful horse-collar tackle from Roy Williams blew out both of his knees, and he was brought down to earth. Now, his physical prowess was limited, and his poor catching ability became glaringly obvious.

It sucks, man. Calico could have been #1, had he not been robbed of his career by a now-illegal technique. At least he'll always have the JFL championship of 2005 to his credit.

#3 Kenny Britt (2009-present)
#2 Drew Bennett (2001-2006)
#1 Derrick Mason (1997-2004)

Tight End
#2 Alge Crumpler (2008-2009)
#1 Erron Kinney (2000-2006)

Tackle
#4 Daniel Loper (2005-2008)
#3 David Stewart (2005-present)
#2 Michael Roos (2005-present)
#1 Brad Hopkins (1993-2005)

Guard
#4 Eugene Amano (2004-present)
#3 Jacob Bell (2004-2007)
#2 Jake Scott (2008-present)
#1 Benji Olson (1998-2007)

Center
#2 Kevin Matthews (2010-present)
#1 Kevin Mawae (2006-2009)

Defensive End
#4 Jason Babin (2010)

#3 Travis LaBoy (2004-2007) ~ Despite remaining a non-factor in Titans lore, LaBoy is shifted up a spot due to Babin jumping ship after only one year. UH alum vs. Jim Washburn chaser: choice is obvious.

#2 Kyle Vanden Bosch (2005-2009)
#1 Jevon Kearse (1999-2003, 2008-2009)

Defensive Tackle
#3 Randy Starks (2004-2007)
#2 Tony Brown (2006-2010)
#1 Albert Haynesworth (2002-2008)

Outside Linebacker
#4 Will Witherspoon (2010-present)
#3 Peter Sirmon (2000-2006)
#2 David Thornton (2006-2010)
#1 Keith Bulluck (2000-2009)

Middle Linebacker
#2 Colin McCarthy
2011-present

All-Time Career
68 combined tackles, 2 forced fumbles, 3 deflections, 1 interception (0 yards)

Well done, rookie. You went from fourth round pick to starting middle linebacker and #2 Tony Titan in just one season. Looks good so far!

Other than a poor game to end the year (when your body of work is only 13 games, you'd best believe I'll note when one of them is bad), McCarthy came in place of the injured and floundering Barrett Ruud, and was able to command the huddle like a mike backer should. Add to that the fact that he could actually make tackles, plugging holes and stuffing runners who came his way, and you have a recipe for success.

Unfortunately, I would have loved for flashy rookie Akeem Ayers to have been included in the more competitive outside linebacker department, but he really didn't amaze in year one. I mean, he wasn't bad, but he didn't particularly stand out, getting overshadowed by the other defensive rookies: McCarthy, Karl Klug and Jurrell Casey. In time, he should dazzle, but for now, he's behind the Spoon.

#1 Stephen Tulloch (2006-2010)

Cornerback
#5 Chris Carr (2008)
#4 Alterraun Verner (2010-present)
#3 Andre Dyson (2001-2004)
#2 Cortland Finnegan (2006-present)
#1 Samari Rolle (1998-2004)

Free Safety
#2 Lamont Thompson (2003-2006)
#1 Michael Griffin (2007-present)

Strong Safety
#2 Myron Rolle (2010-2011)
#1 Chris Hope (2006-present)

Kicker
#1 Rob Bironas (2005-present)

Punter
#1 Craig Hentrich (1998-2009)

And there you have it. Not as much of a shift as I expected, but with a lot of promising rookies lying on the horizon, you should expect a pretty big shake-up next year. And hopefully, more importantly, a playoff berth to match it!

Owen' it to Himself

Hard to believe Terrell Owens is on the verge of signing with an indoor league for a team I've never even heard of.

This man was a record setter, and I don't know how productive he'd be today, but he's still a physical specimen. You'd think somebody would take a shot at him?

I reckon he should head north and hone his craft in the CFL, personally. Big, physical receiver like him would thrive in that wide open system. Like a bigger, more athletic Andy Fantuz.

Besides, wouldn't it be fun to say that T.O. is going to T.O.? Argos could use the star power (though they'd never admit it) to make up for lacking performance, and they took a shot at Ricky Williams not too long ago. I know that Owens is much-maligned in the locker room, but survived several years in Dallas without incident.

Come on, T.O. What you scared of? The cold?

iPod Shuffle

As abducted from Atcho's notes... Here are the first 25 songs that played when I shuffled on iTunes. Nothing skipped, nothing restricted!


1. American Pie - Vic Flick

2. Fairground - Simply Red

3. Missing You - John Waite

4. Doctor Jones - Aqua

5. Working in a Coal Mine - Lee Dorsey

6. Heaven is a Place on Earth - Belinda Carlisle

7. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing) - Michael Jackson

8. All My Life - K-Ci & JoJo

9. True - Spandau Ballet

10. Greatest American Hero (Believe it or Not) - Joey Scarbury

11. Pictures - Sneaky Sound System

12. Blue Savannah - Erasure

13. Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 - In the Hall of the Mountain King - The London Promenade Orchestra and Eric Hammerstein

14. To melodier op. 53 - Eros - Edvard Grieg

15. A Woman's Needs - Tammy Wynette & Elton John

16. Old Friend - Elton John & Nik Kershaw

17. The Shoop, Shoop Song - Betty Everett

18. Kingston Town - UB40

19. The Life of the Party - Michael Jackson & The Jackson 5

20. Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? - Fall Out Boy

21. Kiss from a Rose - Seal

22. Pinch Me - Barenaked Ladies

23. Romantiske ettertanker - En drøm - Edvard Grieg

24. Wild World - Maxi Priest

25. Too Much of Heaven - Eiffel 65


I question the efficiency of the shuffle setting on my iTunes. This is the sample selection from 2,464 items. Happy listening!

Havoc in Heaven

After discarding my WCW toys yesterday, something odd happened. Though a bit of bleary-eyed nostalgia was to be expected, I actually ended up thinking a whole lot about pro wrestling again.

Not that I want to start watching it again, because in my surly opinion, the product is no longer up to snuff. What it's made me decide, however, is that I never properly ended my obsession with a great send-off.

Here and there across the web, you'll find people's dream card. In other words, their ideal schedule of matches. The way one person phrased it however, is the card they'd get to watch in heaven, and I like that image a whole lot better. Probably because in my mind it makes the wrestling ring planted on a mass of clouds. I'm odd like that.

So, with no rules on ages or eras, let's see what I come up with. A brief warning: most of the card is made up with WWE alumni, because it's the program I watched for the longest period of time. Also, because of my fairly short-lived viewership, you'll not see many classic wrestlers present here. Sorry, y'all. In this vein, your commentators for tonight are Jerry 'the King' Lawler and good ol' JR, Jim Ross. BAH GAWD!

The venue: Madison Square Garden
The most exciting event in the world has to take place in one of the most exciting cities in the world. It has the name, the fame, and the luster necessary for a night this grand. Failing this, an arena that looks like heaven, with clouds and angels and shit like that will suffice.

The dark match: René Duprée vs. Finlay (c) for US title
Singles match
You may think it odd for me to schedule a dark match in heaven, when I can make the broadcast to last as long as I like, but I like to do things by the numbers.

To warm the crowd up (the crowd of clouds and angels and shit), I'm pitting a talented yet unpolished performer against a dependable, technically sound veteran.

They typically like to have multi-man battle royales for the dark match, to really get the blood pumping, but I figured that would just be a cheap way for me to slot in all of the other wrestlers I couldn't otherwise fit on the program.

The night begins, as per usual, with the American national anthem, which Duprée cuts short with an obnoxious promo. Boom, you've got the crowd riled up.

Midway, Duprée's mic cuts out, and Finlay appears from the stands, slamming Duprée for his disrespect. Crowd now behind Finlay. However, Finlay commences singing the national anthem, horribly and off-key. He flubs the words, and then stops altogether, stating that it's a horrible anthem. Crowd now jeering both wrestlers.

Why do this, when it would be so easy to back Finlay as a defender of America for a cheap pop? Because we all know Finlay would never do that. A heel vs. heel opener is a unique way to rev up the crowd, and because it isn't televised, you don't have to worry about looking bad if a 'this match sucks' chant starts up. Not that it would suck, but even in heaven, wrestling fans are pretty freaking stupid.

Finally, authorizing an anthem cut-off in a house show was the ludicrous reason Finlay was dropped by the WWE in the first place. In my heaven show, he can get away with it, because it's a funny angle.

The title defense is just there to add intrigue to the bout. Duprée had the charisma, the look and the ability to have been given a Randy Orton-like push as the young buck taking wrestling by storm, but he was held back with the French gimmick. Not a bad gimmick per se, but it wasn't going to see him through to top billing. Finlay roughs him up for him for most of the match, and retains the title. No appearance by Hornswoggle, because that shit was overdone to high hell already.

1. Lance Storm w/Dawn Marie vs. Chris Jericho
Singles
First televised match on the card is a carbon copy of the opener to ECW One Night Stand in 2005. Because, in my opinion, the first match is the second most important one, behind only the main event. You want it to be fast-paced, well-executed and exciting.

That's exactly what you got from Storm/Jericho in '05, and that's what you get here. The choreography and timing is simply amazing, from two veteran guys whose very first match of their career was against one another.

One of the things I love about Lance Storm is that, during his later years, you forgot how athletic he was. Predominantly a heel, he mostly stuck to technical wrestling, to prevent the crowd from cheering for the wrong guy. However, he moved more beautifully, fluently and catlike than nearly any other wrestler his size.

He could flip, spin and leap atop the turnbuckle with hardly any effort, seemingly just as easily in his older age as when he was in his prime. Just look at the gore he took from Rhyno prior to his retirement. He even made that look fantastic.

Anyway, I'm trying to make this match unique from One Night Stand, but I'm struggling to, because I enjoyed that match so much. Throw in some spots from Storm vs. Jerry Lynn in Anarchy Rulz '99, and you've got an audience absolutely gobsmacked. The finish starts with Jericho about to lock on the Walls of Jericho. Storm slips under and boots Jericho into the ropes. As he rebounds, Storm rolls him through to finish him off with the Canadian Maple Leaf, but Jericho manages to roll one more time to gain the leverage and apply the Walls, causing Storm to tap.

Also... since I've plugged the One Night Stand match so much, I figure you'll go and watch it now, if you haven't already. As such, allow me to stray from the course a bit and share another Storm/Jericho match, ten years prior...

2. William Regal, Chavo Guerrero & Jerry Lynn vs. Booker T, Goldust & Rob Van Dam
6-man tag team
This was originally slated as a second dark match, but it became too exciting in my mind and had to be shifted to part of the billing.

I loved the chemistry in the Booker T/Goldust promos, so you'd best believe I'll fit in the opportunity to have a spot with the two of them doing something funny. Something like, Booker does the spin-a-roonie, then Goldust does one that fails miserably. Splendid.

William Regal is one of the most under-appreciated wrestlers of all, and I can't for the life of me figure out why. He's great in the ring and solid on the mic, but never saw much of a push. It's a crime. He'll juxtapose the other fast-paced combatants with some solid grappling. It's like I've said a few times: PACING.

Throw in some fast-paced spots between Chavo and RVD, interchanging the former with Lynn in a throwback to ECW glory days, and you've got yourself a nice match here. Finisher is a Booker T scissor kick followed by RVD landing the five-star frog splash. Afterwards, Booker and Goldust celebrate by attempting the spin-a-roonie again. Then RVD does one that looks even better than Booker's. He shrugs, because he's cool like that.

3. Trish Stratus vs. Lita (c) for women's championship
Singles
To make things clear, there is no T&A in this one. This is a proper match, without the stripping, the mud wrestling or the spanking. Because that stuff might be okay (and quite welcome) for filler, but this is a title match. And it was because of the efforts of Stratus and Lita that the women's division was able to sustain credible matches in the mid '00s.

One of the things I like best about Lita is that she's fearless. I was never a big fan of her's, but when I saw her do a suicide dive through the ropes following neck surgery, I knew that she would give it all for a good spot.

No deadly spots in this one. Lita does land a moonsault for a near-fall, though.

Pretty back and forth fight here, with Lita becoming the aggressor towards the end. However, Stratus gets the win with a surprise schoolgirl (dammit, even the pin sounds dirty), becoming the new women's champion.

4. Rey Mysterio, Jr. vs. Shelton Benjamin
Best of 3 falls
If my card was running a little too predictably so far, hopefully this will shake things up a bit. Traditionally, a best of 3 falls match is reserved for solid technical wrestlers, who can slow things down a bit to stop either competitor from getting gassed. That'll be Benjamin's role, but it'll be interspersed with some wacky high-flying spots.

Strictly speaking, my card lacks a cruiserweight bout, which is a fundamental flaw that made me consider shifting Chavo Guerrero in this spot, but I think the juxtaposition of the flea-like Mysterio against the burly yet agile Benjamin would be sufficient. To maintain heel status, Benjamin won't be shooting around with a lot of regularity, but some simple stuff that looks great (flipping as a counter to a hold and the like) will be present. The first fall is quickly taken by Mysterio, as Benjamin tries in vain to simply pummel the smaller opponent, whose speed is enough to keep distance. In the second, Benjamin puts the brakes on and grounds Mysterio with various submissions, targeting the legs in particular. Mysterio taps to put them at one apiece.

Now hobbling, Mysterio struggles through the third, focusing on avoiding Benjamin's lethal holds. Benjamin takes this chance to begin showing off, now starting to break out the athleticism. It backfires, with Mysterio catching him in the drop toehold (of doom!), followed by the 619. Mysterio takes to the apron, ready to land the west coast pop. The groggy Benjamin gets to his feet and Mysterio launches off the ropes, but Benjamin catches him in the air. BOOM. Powerbomb. Benjamin gets the three count for the win.

5. Hollywood Hulk Hogan & Mr. Perfect vs. 'Macho Man' Randy Savage & mystery partner
Tag
My marquee WCW match features a whole slew of veterans. In case you're wondering, yes, this match is preceded by a batshit crazy Randy Savage promo (conducted by Mean Gene Okerlund), and it is utterly fantastic. It has all the frills necessary, including a suspenseful beginning with Savage entering the ring without any partner to be found.

Hogan and Hennig mock Savage on the mic (they're in their nWo iterations for this imaginary scenario, but Hennig will still be billed as 'Mr. Perfect' for purity's sake. It goes without saying, but Savage is not in nWo form, because that would be awkward), and make their way towards the ring. Suddenly, the lights go off. The arena is in darkness (if this event is indeed set in the heavenly clouds, I have no idea how this works logistically). Then, the lights begin flashing. Savage has disappeared.

Then, from the ceiling, he descends. IT'S STING. HELLZ YEAH. Savage reappears from under the ring, allowing him and Sting to get a quick jump on the opponents.

Anyhow, this match runs smooth as silk, because it's basically four veterans who all know what they're doing. Things really pick up a clip when it's Mr. Perfect and Savage in the ring, because good lord, Randy Savage was ahead of his time. He was a big man who moved lightning quick, and he is most certainly missed.

The match descends into chaos when the referee is knocked out, leading to Hogan and Hennig handcuffing Savage to the ropes, pummelling him brutally. Sting evens the odds by letting loose on the nWo members with his famous baseball bat. The referee comes to and sees Sting using the illegal weapon, though seems completely oblivious to the fact that his partner is handcuffed to the ropes. Sting and Savage are disqualified, leading to a bevy of angry boos from the crowd. In response, Sting cracks the referee with the bat. The crowd is pleased.

Halftime performance: Michael Jackson, Freddie Mercury & Stevie Wonder
What? A halftime show in a wrestling event? You're damn right, because putting together a Super Bowl schedule is much less in-depth, and I would go nuts over a concert of this magnitude. I don't know whose songs they perform, and I don't care. It'll sound absolutely brilliant.

To keep confused wrestling fans appeased, René Duprée comes out and tries to bully the singers around. Stevie Wonder responds by getting up and socking Duprée in the face. It is the biggest pop of the night, and the moment people discuss for years to come.

6. The Dudley Boyz w/Spike Dudley (c) vs. The Hardy Boyz vs. Edge & Christian for the tag team championship
TLC
Figuring out where to put this one was absolute hell. Originally I had it at the bottom of the undercard, right before the main event. However, I took a brief look through PPV history, and it occurred to me that there is a significant gap between the TLC matches and the main event. My guess is that this is because the TLC matches always run for so long, and with so much excitement, that they need to give the crowd a chance to catch their breath. Maybe I should have slotted this one before my halftime show? I hesitate to do so, because there would be way too much debris in the ring for my taste.

Anyhow, TLC matches are always something special to watch, and these are the teams that made it famous. Whether it was Edge hitting the spear on a suspended Jeff Hardy, dangling from the belt, or that same Jeff Hardy leaping from atop the ladder onto a prone enemy below (in many different matches, with many variations of jump, in many different landing positions), it was just a great big spectacle of men brutalising themselves in ways that really should not happen.

I could feel guilty for subjecting them to yet another one of these matches, but this is my event, dammit, and if I want guys hurtling 20 feet off a ladder onto a guy on a table who has a chair propped atop him, then I am going to get it!

The signature bump will consist of Jeff Hardy (because when you want a really big bump, you go to Jeff) copping a 3D off the top of the ladder through four tables next to the ring. Logistically, I don't know how exactly you'd get all three guys up there, or how you'd get guys as big as Bubba and D-Von to make enough distance to clear the ring, but we'll leave that one up to God (who's enjoying the action from a box seat). In the end, Christian is the last surviving competitor fit enough to nab the belts for himself and Edge.

7. Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero (c) for intercontinental title
Singles
This is a bit of shaky territory right here. I still have not forgiven Chris Benoit for his actions of that horrible day in June, and frankly, I don't know if I ever will. I know, years of abuse led to brain damage so severe it supposedly resembled that of an 85-year-old Alzheimer patient's, but for a man to take the lives of anyone innocent, let alone his wife and young child... It's just not something I will readily forgive. I don't know all of the details. I probably never will.

However, this is my heaven scenario, and, immature as it may be... in this imaginary event, the deaths of Chris Benoit and his family did not occur. I will always respect Chris Benoit as a wrestler, in much the same way that people still respect the playing ability of O.J. Simpson. As I said however, I am yet to forgive him as a human being.

As for Guerrero, he was one of those guys who seemed to get better with age. Years of cheating, cowering and lying made him sound like the prototypical heel, but when he was finally pushed to the top of the federation as champion, it wasn't with a change in gimmick, but with a newfound appreciation. He did those same things as before... but we loved him for it.

This match is basically a montage of all the things the two were famous for. Eddie hits the triple suplex, and in return Benoit does the triple German suplex. Eddie nails a frog splash, and later on, Benoit lands the diving headbutt. Late in the match, Chavo Guerrero makes an appearance, distracting the referee and allowing Eddie to grab a chair (I love how dumb the referees are in kayfabe). Eddie throws it to Benoit and falls to the mat in his famous ruse, but before the referee turns to see Benoit looking like the guilty party with chair in hand, Benoit responds by simply putting the chair down and sitting on it. In my mind, it is the most hilarious, bizarre twist on a tried and true Guerrero staple, and I don't think it had ever been done in actuality. I had to include it somehow, and I didn't want two finishes with a DQ on the same card.

Benoit launches off the turnbuckle for another headbutt, Guerrero counters, and pins Benoit with his feet on the ropes for leverage. Guerrero celebrates his IC championship defence with Chavo. Christ, we should have had so many more moments like this. R.I.P. Eddie.

Filler: Starring Rowdy Rodder Piper and possibly some divas
I don't know what to put here, but my card needed more fluff. Also, I felt bad that I couldn't find a place to fit Piper, so I inserted him here. You can fill in the blanks as to what goes on during this quick break from the action, but my suggestion is Piper judging a bikini contest, where the final entrant turns out to be Goldust. In horror and disgust, Piper socks Goldy in the face, then shrugs and still awards him as the winner of the contest. I don't know, I'm not good with this stuff.

8. The Rock vs. 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin vs. Cactus Jack vs. Kane for heavyweight title shot at next PPV
Fatal 4-way
This match is on the card based solely on star power. All of the competitors are solid wrestlers, but it was the energy they created, the electricity and excitement, that makes their inclusion necessary.

The Rock and Austin are automatic, and Kane (masked, of course!) fills a void left by the absence of big men in this event. Because, generally speaking, they don't move well, and the matches can be boring as a result.

The match begins early, when Cactus Jack first appears, only to be assaulted by Austin (whom Cactus had jumped weeks prior to this) on the stage below the TitanTron. I am doing this for one reason and one reason only: SO THAT FOLEY CAN TAKE A BUMP.

I mean, ideally, Cactus would be having a hardcore match of some sort, but I've already had that sort of thing with the TLC bout. So instead, I've simplified it to Austin throwing Cactus through a sheet of glass or onto the floor below. It's unfair to make him suffer a bump that early that could affect his in-ring performance, but hey, this is heaven, he can take it.

Eventually, the match reaches the ring, where the four men constantly double-team and backstab one another to claim the victory. Such a frenetic atmosphere would be havoc to run smoothly, but once again, I've got veteran guys who know how to make a match flow. In case you were wondering, there's an abundance of countered finishers happening here, for another particular reason: if you land the finishers too much without being able to win, it makes them look weaker as a result.

Most failed pins after finishers are the results of intervention by one of the other two guys. Also, there's no count out, so that there can be some more antics out on the floor around the ring. Poor Foley, he's getting knocked around in my fictional world.

I'm really struggling to decide the victor in this one. I think I'll go with Austin nailing three straight stunners on all of his opponents to be the last man standing. I just figure it would be an awesome pop, and if it doesn't flow very well, you could slow it down by adding in something cool, like after he hits the first two stunners on Kane and Cactus, The Rock knocks him down in the middle of the ring. Time for the people's elbow, which hadn't been seen up to this point. The Rock bounces from one end to the other, and then... woosh, Austin gets to his feet, stunner #3. Pinfall. The crowd goes freaking ballistic.

I don't know about you, but this event sounds pretty damn exciting to me.

9. Bret Hart (c) vs. Kurt Angle for the heavyweight championship of the world
Singles
Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. Yes yes. This right here is a dream match, quite unlike most of the other ones on this card. Because, as you might have realised, nearly all of the other matches have happened at some point. I wasn't trying to assemble the 'best that never was' with this, rather I was trying to put together the best show ever.

With this fight, however, I pit two of the greatest wrestlers of all time against one another, a pair of men whose careers just barely went past one another, preventing this bout from ever occurring. Bret Hart is the pride of Calgary, Alberta, Canada (let's say he's the red of the flag to Lance Storm's white!), a celebrated champion whose matches are the stuff of legend. On the other side, Kurt Angle is the golden boy from Pittsburgh, the legitimate Olympic medalist whose quick transition from amateur wrestling to pro rasslin' was simply amazing. For a guy who won gold in a sport that scarcely resembles the exploits of WWE, he made it seem as though it came naturally to him.

The two were everything you wanted in a wrestler: smart, fundamentally sound and supremely talented. They knew how to make a match flow and how to play an audience, and that feeling when they locked in their signature submissions... you knew shit was about to get real.

I don't know which era I'm plucking each from, so no, don't ask me whether or not Angle is bald, because I simply don't know. Rest assured, it won't be during his brief wig phase.

I've even got an angle leading up to this one, and it is based of course on their place in their countries' mythos. It's Canada vs. USA, the ultimate struggle between neighbouring nations constantly trying to outdo one another. And, uniquely, this would allow the two to swap their roles as face and heel depending on where each show took place. A night in Denver? Kurt Angle covers the Americans from coast to coast. A day in Toronto? The crowd would simply go nuts for Bret Hart.

It's like the Boston Bruins' win that left Canada gobsmacked, in response to Sidney Crosby's golden goal that shellshocked America. It's back and forth, good vs. evil interchangeable according to your side of the border, and brought to you by two of the best wrestlers of all time.

This match will be up there with Storm/Jericho and Benoit/Guerrero for being a sheer wrestling clinic, complete of course with near falls and all the other frills. As this is being held in New York (or heaven), remember that Bret Hart and Canada play the villain here. So when Lance Storm comes running down towards the ring, you know that something bad is about to happen. In response, Steve Austin makes his way into the arena to prevent Storm's interference.

The stars come tearing out in their numbers; Jericho, Benoit, Edge and Christian among the Canadian battlers, pitted against The Rock, Hogan, Sting, etc.

The match looks more like a lumberjack brawl with the multitude of wrestlers fighting each other on the outside, with the crowd going nuts as to what they're seeing, all the while, Hart and Angle being the focal point on the inside. Finally, Angle Slam, 1, 2, 3.

America has won the title back from the villains in Canada. Their forces begin to overwhelm the canucks outside, and the American wrestlers all enter the ring, where Angle leads them and the crowd in singing the Star-Spangled Banner.

...Because don't forget, this show began with the national anthem being interrupted, and you'd best believe that they wouldn't let it end that way.

Wow. There you go, huh? That turned out a lot more thorough than I had ever intended, and I fear I may have lapsed from descriptive to ranting and raving as the ideas came spilling out of my head.

I guess I should thank pro wrestling for the years of memories it has given me, as well as a generation after me, and many generations before. Lord knows how I'll be able to top this in next year's PPV. Though, maybe I could ask him? Let me see if I can find that box seat...

Comfort in Familiarity

Typically speaking, sports fans are creatures of habit. They hail the praises of their team during periods of success and they lambaste the team when things go awry; most often singling out one particularly undesirable player as the source of their decline.

They gather in numbers, at stadiums or in front of television screens of various sizes, ready for the ritualistic highs and lows that come intertwined with sport.


So much time, money and emotion is invested in what is, basically, a group of people you'll never meet, playing a game. I personally am a guilty culprit of this fascination; the deflation I feel after a particularly bad loss is apparent in my day to day actions: I'm extremely unpleasant. It was as though I were out there, stumbling about on the field as my hapless team was dismantled.

It is true to this nature, then, that we as sports fans clamour for familiarity. We seek the things in our team that hearken to better days; more competitive teams, players we enjoyed watching, or maybe even something as simple as fond memories of a bygone era reminding us of our youth.

For this reason, Toronto Blue Jays backers were ecstatic when Cito Gaston returned as team manager in 2008 after an eleven year departure. Gaston had famously guided the franchise to back-to-back World Series titles during his first tenure, and all of the key elements were apparent. In Gaston, we were reminded of the Blue Jays of the early 90s, of Joe Carter and Roberto Alomar, of the baseball powerhouse that came out on top not once but twice.

In the three seasons of his return, Gaston led the Jays to 211 wins, 201 losses, and no playoff appearances. Any other manager who accumulated numbers this mediocre would have been berated, but not Cito. To the people of Toronto, Gaston would remain a hero, a man simply put up against insurmountable odds without enough talent on the diamond to create a winner.

We love our familiarity. And right now, following a 41-7 loss in what could be the most important game of the year, Tennessee Titans fans wish they could see something they recognise from their past.

Over the last three generations of Titans football, there was a common element among the type of players who led the team at the quarterback and running back position.

This tradition was typified by a duo who only played together for one season. In their careers, Warren Moon and Earl Campbell were like ships passing in the night. As Moon arrived with the Houston Oilers (the franchise that would later become the Titans) from the CFL's Edmonton Eskimos in 1984, Campbell was only two seasons away from his retirement.

However, the two often go hand in hand as torch-bearers for the success of the Oilers of the 80s. They were superior athletes; nimble and athletic in the case of Moon, while Campbell famously demolished opponents by simply ploughing through them with herculean might.

Perhaps then, it was through no coincidence that the faces of the franchise would then become a pair of players who mirrored the abilities of Moon and Campbell to a tee.

Steven LaTreal McNair was drafted in the first round of the 1995 draft, and his counterpart Edward Nathan George would arrive one year later. What followed were eight seasons of physical football, battling through injuries, and steely resolve. In short, Titans fans were spoilt by the kind of people they had leading their team. The only words that would come out of their mouths were words of encouragement during a game, or acceptance of blame following a loss. They preferred to let their actions speak louder than their words, and, put simply, their actions spoke volumes for close to a decade.


After that period, we enter an era that looks unfamiliar, and frankly, it does not bode well for this team.

To fill the gaping holes left by the departures of McNair and George, the Titans made Vince Young and LenDale White the heirs apparent. And though their physical traits again fit the formula we had grown accustomed to, there was something new in the air. It wasn't so much confidence, because the prior generations of leaders had this in abundance. Now, we met leaders with arrogance.

The Young/White era was incredibly short-lived. LenDale White entered the NFL with a sense of entitlement and nagging weight issues that limited his effectiveness. He would leave for Seattle after four years, and was out of the league one year later.

The Vince Young saga was much more chaotic than that. A supreme athlete with question marks surrounding his accuracy and work ethic, Young was meant to revolutionise the quarterback position. And, sure enough, in his first season, he seemed to be on track to do this. Defenders had to gameplan against his unique skill set, and he tore the league apart with his quick feet.

However, Young once famously uttered the phrase "Can't nobody tell me nothing". At the time, the populous assumed that surely he meant the words of his detractors would not discourage him, and he would continue to mature and flourish.

Unfortunately, it would later seem as though the true meaning behind this statement was that Young thought himself invincible, and his natural ability would be enough to succeed. After five roller coaster-like seasons that led to the dismantling of the roster and the departure of Jeff Fisher, the coach for sixteen years, Young was gone.

The Tennessee Titans have washed their hands of the mistakes they made in 2006. What seems to be becoming apparent, however, is that the new generation may be providing them with the same headaches right over again.

I am speaking, primarily, of the words and actions of Chris Johnson, supposedly the Titans' best player, and a man so illiterate it is downright painful.


Now entering his fourth season, he has become one of the league's most prolific running backs, an elusive speedster who, in 2009, became only the sixth player in league history to amass more than 2,000 rushing yards in a single season.

He has also been known to enjoy excessive celebration, banging drums on the sideline on one occasion, and at times even holding the ball out in front of opponents' faces in the middle of play, as if to say, "here it is, try and take it".

After missing this year's preseason over a contractual holdout, Johnson became the richest running back in the league, netting himself a four-year contract worth $53.5 million, with $30 million of that guaranteed.

How has he rewarded the Titans for their generosity? Through the first six games, he has had the worst season of his career: 93 runs for 268 yards, an average of 2.9 yards per run. To put this in perspective, his career average prior to this year had been 5 yards.

And for all of this, the lacking performance isn't the most frustrating part of this debacle. What is worse, quite clearly, is his reaction to claims of diminished ability.

After this latest lashing at the hands of the Houston Texans, a game that held important connotations to winning the division and assuring a playoff spot, Johnson was unapologetic, despite managing a meagre 18 yards on 10 rushing attempts.

He was quoted in his post-game press conference as claiming, "If you are watching the game and you can't tell what's going on with the run game, then I'd say you really don’t know football. I am just getting the ball and running hard and doing what I have been doing since I got here, reading my reads. I wouldn’t say I am the issue. I'm very confident I've been doing the things... I do. I can’t do nothing but keep working hard."

Johnson says he "can't do nothing but keep working hard", but it would seem as though there is a great deal more he could do to solidify himself as a face of this franchise.

This is a far cry from the leaders of yesteryear, who, as established, would never have thrown teammates to the wolves of the media. For all of his ignorance, Johnson was always dazzling on the field, to the point where we forgave his incomprehensible boasting.

Now, we see a man without the lofty numbers, pointing the finger at everyone but himself. And now, we can see that the things we admired most about the players of old wasn't their athleticism or their talent. It was their humility, their moral values and their ability to rally their men.

Losing isn't necessarily unfamiliar to the Titans, but floundering without any sense of direction, with their best and brightest bemoaning his teammates, is unsavoury, tenuous ground. And if they hope to right this tattered ship, they'd best find some players with leadership qualities. They'd best find some familiarity.

#16: Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars

Platform: Super Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo
Developer: Square
Release: 01/06/1996

Though I played a lot of games as a kid, my exposure to the thorough catalogue of gaming genres was initially quite limited. Platforming games were my forte, and represented the biggest chunk of the library, whereas sports were a non factor for me back then, and until Looney Tunes B-Ball, I never owned a single sporting game.

Similarly, it took the presence of Mario for me to ever take interest in an RPG game, a foreign concept to me at the time. Upon first renting it, my sister and I watched the opening animation; our minds shifting from wonderment at the graphics to confusion over the flow of battles. Mario leapt forward from a formation, made an attacking animation in the direction of a stationary enemy, who proceeded to explode. But wait! He didn't even touch it! What sorcery is this?

And so, we began our first RPG. Alright, our first turn-based RPG, because in some minds, games in the Zelda series are entries in the RPG genre, though I myself disagree.


Anyhow, Mario RPG follows the same premise as a great number of Mario games; Princess Toadstool has been kidnapped by Bowser, and Mario sets out to rescue her once again. Of course, genre aside, this game is not the same as other Mario games, and this is clear from the moment you see the first level set within the walls of Bowser's castle. For this traditional series of events is merely a skein to the greater adventure, truly one of Mario's most epic, colourful and unique quests.

One of the marvelous things about Mario RPG is that it's a wonderful clash of two worlds: the familiar characters and platforming aspects of Mario, with the story elements and combat style of RPGs like Final Fantasy. Of course, this is because the game was made by the very creators of Final Fantasy, Square, who were churning out quality titles en route to their peak of the late 90s.

This was certainly a cerebral entry in the Mario series. Though more RPGs would follow, the battles were more difficult and tactical in this one, borderline brutal on occasion, and as such, Mario RPG still stands in many people's minds as the finest example of the genre for a Mario title.

It still remains fresh in my mind, all these years later, despite how apathetic Nintendo appear to be towards it. Geno's 'blink and you'll miss it' cameo in Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga caused quite a stir among the fan community, and this is indicative of how much love the game still holds.

The game does have a subtitle, after all, and we still wonder if maybe, someday, we'll see another one.